Domus
by Mayla
Summary: What is it people fight for? Money? Security? For fun? What about the soldiers? What do they fight for? Merida Shepard has been fighting for years, and will keep on fighting despite everything she will have to face. Fighting for the one thing that is most important to her. Important to every one in the galaxy . . .
1. Chapter 1

_Authors note:_ _A few things for readers to know. I don't own anything. I own my version of Shepard and any other random characters I think up. There are certain character histories that will be mostly non-cannon. With that said, I hope you enjoy this story._

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**Chapter One:**

Merida Shepard looked out the window of her hotel room. She had been moved from the Impalas, the ship that had been her home for the last three years. That is until the transfer for her to be moved to the Normandy came in. The Normandy. She couldn't believe it. The ship was the prize of the fleet, special, designed by both human and turians. And it was led by Captain David Anderson. She knew the man well enough to act familiar with him, but she was still formal when she needed to be. It had been thanks to him that she was here.

Looking out the window one last time she went and pressed the control that shut the shades on the window. She didn't know why she had been transferred. She had hoped to stay on the Impalas. She liked the crew, enjoyed the missions, she was comfortable there. It was home. She would miss it and its people, which was the hardest part about being transferred. Merida bowed her head as she went to wash then get changed for bed. She wanted to leave early the next day. Get to the Normandy and take it in, get to know the layout before the rest of its new crew showed up. The crew who was handpicked by Captain Anderson himself.

As she stood in the shower, trying to relax as she washed, she thought about the call she had to Anderson when she first arrived. She had talked to him for a while. A small smile formed as she thought about him. They talked for a while, catching up. Anderson wasn't her father, but he may as well have been. Her family was gone, and in happenstance, he became a father figure to her. It was slow at first. He made sure she found a place to stay. Then she made an effort to contact him, thanking him. Following that, she kept messaging him, keeping him updated. He would message her back and, when time allowed, he would take shore leave to spend time with her when she wasn't with her friends. He could tell she appreciated the time he took, and it helped them grow closer.

Anderson disconnected after they talked, leaving her alone again to go to bed. That night she dreamt of the first time she had ever lost her place. The reason she clung to Anderson. Mindoir.

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Joker sighed as he shifted, settling himself into the pilot's seat. It felt good, and he didn't have any plans on leaving it soon. He had, as was his custom, arrived to the ship early. He didn't want any of the new crew seeing him; to know about his condition. Of course it didn't really matter. He was the best pilot in the Alliance, and he had proven it when they'd placed him on the best ship. He started to look through the programming; he hadn't much of a chance to see them to their full potential. As he worked through the system he was pleased to see there were only a couple of changes, of course these pertained to the unique engine and drive core.

He was so drawn into checking the system that he didn't hear the hatch to the door open, being the first and only one there he had not deemed it necessary to lock the doors. It wasn't until he heard the small gasp. He turned and nearly cried out at the sight of the young woman looking down at him. Her eyes seemed to have an unnatural blue to them, almost glowing.

"I'm sorry," she apologized to him. "I thought I would be the first one here. Get a feel for the ship." She smiled at him before stepping closer and holding out her hand. "Merida Shepard. I'm going to be the commander for this ship."

"Jeff Moreau, but everyone calls me Joker." Joker introduced himself to her. She didn't blink at the fact he wasn't getting up, and her smile was charming. "Shepard, I've heard about you. Especially about Akuze." He saw her tense; he could feel it in her hand too. Yet she didn't say anything, and her smile never faded. "But I'm sure you've heard that a lot." They let go.

Merida swallowed, nodding. "Yes. And I've heard about you Joker, the best pilot, not one to take insults, no matter how mild they are. From what I heard you've piloted out of some of the most difficult situations without breaking a sweat."

That got Joker laughing. "They would say that, probably with murmurs of jealously to lace those gracious words," he stated, which caused Merida to laugh in return.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." She sat down her bags before getting into the co-pilot's seat and leaned back. "Nice view you'll have from here. The stars will be really nice to see." She looked over giving him a wider smile. "I may have to steal this seat from time to time. Or yours," she joked, and laughed harder at Joker's a look of mock horror.

"Oh don't you dare, this seat had my name on it. I carved it in before I sat. So it's mine now," he taunted her, however his smile had returned.

Merida sat there for a while longer before she stretched and got up. "Well, I think I'll take my own personal tour around the ship. I'll see you later Joker." With that she reclaimed her bags before heading towards the rest of the ship, leaving one very fascinated pilot, who just shook his head, his smile never leaving his face.

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Merida walked through the ship, taking her time. She even paused and went up to the CIC and galaxy map. To see the galaxy all laid out like this… It took her breath away. Maybe someday she would be able to captain in this spot. If not on the Normandy, then on her own ship one day once she had worked her way up the ranks. Turning away from the map she made her way through the doors and down the steps to the crew quarters. She could see the captain's cabin, the med bay, and the sleeping pods as well as a small gathering of lockers. She walked past the dining table and to her locker, opening it up and started to unpack.

Among the many items she owned were remnants of her life: the last pictures she had of her mother and father, a small medal from her training days and a picture of her squad from the Argo, taken days before their last mission. Looking at the pictures she sighed, touching each picture in turn. "Well, you won't believe where I am now," she practically whispered, looking at all of those she had lost. Looking at the image of her father last she had to steel her emotions as the disappointment she had of him started to surface. Unlike the others, she did not lose him to death. No, he left her for his own selfish reasons after what had happened. Reasons that had shamed her into taking her mother's maiden name and helped her disconnect from him.

She had finished putting away the last of her belongings when she heard a sound. The crew had arrived. She could hear them filtering in from the CIC deck, comments of admiration and amazement reaching her ears. Questions as to why they would have been transferred to the ship. What was the captain like, the new commander? It surprised Merida that not many realised it would be her. Soon enough, though, the voices stopped making her look up. She saw that she had been spotted. Closing the door to her locker she smiled at the crew. She started introducing herself to them, shaking hands, answering more than once that she would indeed be the commander of the Normandy. This got several cheers; it was obvious her reputation preceded her. However it was a reputation Merida didn't want, making her brush off the obvious praises of her career.

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It was during all this Joker sat in his seat, listening to his new commander, smiling. He had been wondering what she would be like when he had heard Merida Shepard would be the one chosen to become Commander. After meeting her, and hearing her talk to the crew, getting to know them. He came up with only one conclusion, he liked her.

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As they introduced themselves Merida tried to remember their names. However, the only ones she could instantly remember, apart from Dr. Karin Chakwas, were Kaidan Alenko and Richard L. Jenkins, whom, she had been told during her briefing when learning she was being transferred, would be her ground crew. Lieutenant Alenko and Corporal Jenkins seemed to be good men. Jenkins was hyper, excited, he kept smiling, kept talking about how honored he was to meet her and to serve under her. Merida could only hope that his excitement didn't get him into any danger. Alenko on the other hand was more reserved, calm, and quiet. He was respectful, the perfect soldier. She could tell he would most likely follow any order she gave him. However when had read his dossier, as well as Jenkins's, she was surprised to see he was a biotic; she had worked with biotics before. However they always seemed to have this egotistic god persona - something Merida did not appreciate, and found to be a self centered attitude. She hoped Alenko would not be the same.

Bit by bit the crew each went their own ways to unpack and go to their stations. Captain Anderson would be arriving soon, and nobody wanted to seem like they were slacking off when he arrived. Once she was alone again, Merida went to the elevator; there was only one place she had not seen yet. Traveling down she stepped off into the shuttle docking bay. It was big - the Mako itself didn't take up a lot of room. On the other side were lockers that would belong to her squad, two of which were already claimed. Obviously Alenko and Jenkins had come and gone.

She turned and went through the doors to the side to see the engine. Engineer Adams and a few others were already there. Merida would have been interested in discussing the engine with Adams, but it was evident that he and the others were busy checking the system to prevent any possible dangers in upcoming missions.

"_Captain Anderson has boarded_," came Joker over the ships intercom system. "_He wishes to see you Commander, in his cabin._"

"I'm on my on my way there," Merida headed back to the elevator, taking it up before heading to the captain's cabin. On entering, she saluted. "Captain Anderson," she saluted.

"At ease Shepard," David Anderson told her. "We know well enough you don't need to use my title, especially if we are in private." He could see her start to flush red; she embarrassed and flustered all at once, he was her captain now, she wanted to follow protocol. "Just Anderson is fine, I assure you. As long as you don't get too friendly." He gave a small chuckle as he motioned for her to sit. "I'm guessing that you've met your ground crew. What's your take on the two men?" Anderson asked while sitting at his desk.

She stood up straight, her hands behind her back as she responded, until he reminded her she could relax, which she did. She briefly related to him her thoughts on the two men. Not informing him of her personal views, didn't see the need to.

Anderson nodded. "I see, and what is your opinion of the Normandy? It's not your typical alliance ship."

"It is impressive. Roomy, and quiet. The engine is something to behold. I admit I am not sure about the sleeper pods. I've never used them before on my previous ships. The CIC is a fascinating design. I can see the benefits. All in all, the ship is amazing sir." Merida reported.

The older man smiled, not many had such a positive opinion about the turian design of the CIC. "I also wanted to check up on you. I know this will be your second transfer since joining the Alliance," he watched her, still smiling. "I understand you were hoping not to transfer again after leaving the Argo. This time will be different."

Merida smiled back, but unlike his, her smile didn't meet her eyes. She knew she could be reacting unreasonably. However when it came down to it she had wanted to find a place to call her own, someplace she could truly call home. "I hope so."

"You may go."

Merida turned and started to head out the door before Anderson stopped her.

"Oh and Shepard? Tell Joker to head to Pinnacle Station. We have someone to pick up."Shepard left the cabin and went to the cockpit, giving Anderson's message to Joker, the whole while wondering who they would be picking up and why.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

Merida stood at the galaxy map, tracing the route Joker would have to take to get to Eden Prime in her mind. She thought about the mission. Anderson had briefed her on it the night before. A beacon, a prothean beacon. She couldn't believe another one had been found. It was the reason Nihlus was joining them. He must have been doing timed runs on Pinnacle Station, so when they picked him up a few days after leaving the Citadel, he barely said a word, going into the docking bay and getting his equipment checked over.

Suddenly she heard chatter, recognizing Jenkins' voice as he talked animatedly with Dr. Chakwas. Seeing them, Merida thought about the last conversation she'd had him. The young man was so eager to please her. It was obvious he knew her record, and he was so happy to be serving under her. Merida tried to be modest. He kept bringing up Akuze, and she kept deflecting, asking him about himself. She didn't want to admit she was scared of losing more people on missions, something she tried to avoid while she was on the _Impalas_. Jenkins also told her about how Kaidan seemed reluctant to use his powers on Jenkins – just a push, so the eager recruit could see what it was like. It was this fact that gave Merida reason to pause. Perhaps Kaidan wouldn't be like the other biotics, and it gave her enough reason to give him a chance, so she decided to talk to him.

Giving Jenkins and the doctor a wave, Merida headed down to where Kaidan had his main station by the mess. When she approached she noticed him squinting at the control panel, his brows knitted together as he worked. "Everything going smoothly Lieutenant?" she asked him, glad to see he was taking his job seriously.

He looked up and gave her smile, standing straight. "Yes, Commander. Everything is in working order, Ma'am." He nodded to the elevator. "I saw our guest take the elevator down. I guess what they say about Pinnacle Station is true: only the best are invited there."

Merida could only agree. After all, the guest was a spectre. She would have continued speaking with Kaidan had Joker not called him up to the front. They would be going through a mass relay. Why Joker wanted Kaidan there, Merida couldn't imagine. Moments after he left, she noticed Nihlus come back out of the elevator and head up towards the CIC.

Realising this would be her first chance to see Joker take the ship through the relay, she headed up to join him. She hadn't lied when she told him she'd heard about his skills - skills she wanted to see firsthand. Arriving in the cockpit she saw the spectre watching Joker, observing him. Seconds later they passed through the relay.

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". . . drift: just under 1500 k." Joker was pleased with himself, wondering if he had impressed the spectre, and most importantly, Merida Shepard. Yes, he had heard her enter the cockpit. He couldn't help the smile that had formed. The smile fell though at what he heard next.

"1500 is good, your captain will be pleased," Nihlus spoke matter of factly, leaving without another word.

"I hate that guy," Joker muttered as he kept typing, a scowl forming.

He heard Shepard shift behind him. Perhaps she was also displeased. He couldn't find out because Kaidan jumped in.

"Nihlus gave you a compliment . . . so you hate him?"

Joker snorted, the scowl gone . . . almost. "You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out of the bathroom? That's good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. So that's incredible!" He shook his head, his rant not done. "Besides, Spectres are trouble. I don't like having him aboard. Call me paranoid."

"You're paranoid. The Council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment," Kaidan argued back.

"Yeah? That is the official story," Joker looked ahead, his tone almost mocking. "But only an idiot believes the official story."

Suddenly Shepard spoke up. "I think I'll have to go with Joker on this. I mean, a Spectre on a shakedown run?"

"See!?" Joker waved a hand to her before glancing back at her. Appreciation filled him. She was backing him up. Maybe she knew what was going on. Maybe not. But he wasn't going to question that now. "There's more going on here then the captain is letting on."

He caught her smiling. Her eyes held humor. Ok, he liked her more and more. And he could tell that she wouldn't be the typical commander. She wasn't stuffy. She was so much more, and he was just seeing the surface.

"_Joker! Status report._" Anderson cut into his thoughts.

Joker cleared his throat. "Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid." He brought up the systems on the screen as he reported.

"_Good. Find a comm buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to the Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime._" Anderson ordered.

Joker nodded, silently cursing the captain's interruption. "Aye aye, Captain. Better brace yourself, sir. I think Nihlus is already headed your way."

"_He's already here, Lieutenant,_" Anderson responded curtly after a couple of moments. Joker heard Shepard stifle a chuckle. "_Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for a debriefing._"

Joker looked back at her again, she was still smiling, and it lit up her face. "You got that, Commander?"

"Yeah, but he sounded angry. Don't worry, I'll talk him down," she teased Joker, a small smirk playing at her lips, making him grin and try to look innocent. "I should see what he wants," she stated before walking off.

Joker couldn't take his eyes off her as he watched her leave, her smile still fresh in his mind. Oh yeah, she was something else alright.

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Merida started towards the comm room. Jenkins was still talking animatedly with Chakwas, who listened patiently only to shake her head, telling him he watched too many videos. He ignored her, kept going on about the mission, and wanting action.

As if to make her point for her, Chakwas spoke up. "I sincerely hope you're kidding, Corporal. Your 'real action' usually ends up with me patching up crew members in the infirmary." Or worse, she seemed to add without voicing it.

"She's right, Jenkins. You don't need to be so eager. We'll see action in due time. You'll be sick of it in no time," Merida told him, only half joking so he knew she was serious, but not trying to shut his dreams down. God, she hoped he listened to them, and he didn't act rashly during future missions. His life would depend on it.

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"Commander?" Kaidan put a hand on Merida's shoulder, bringing her out of her reverie. At first his voice was distant, before he repeated. "Commander Shepard?" Jenkins, him, and Merida herself had been dropped off onto Eden Prime's surface no more than a few moments ago after Nihlus had jumped from the ship to go on ahead. But for Merida it felt much more than that.

"I'm fine," she told him as she stepped away. She was the commander; she would not let them see her as weak, not again. Quickly she reviewed what she knew in her head. They where here to extract a prothean beacon that had been dug up, but while she had been discussing the mission with Anderson and Nihlus they'd received a communication from the soldiers of the colony. It had been attacked. In the footage of the call was a large ship, something akin to a hand the way its legs were placed. Thinking about it still unsettled her. But what shook Merida to her core was the colony, the way it was ransacked, burning as far as they could see from the hill they were on. She was seeing Mindoir again. This was why she joined the Alliance. To protect. She had to stop this.

"Jenkins, are you ok?" she asked the corporal, remembering this was his home. She couldn't remember if his family was still here or not.

Like her, he seemed to be in a state of shock. "Why? Why would anyone do this?" he asked. "We're mostly farmers!"

Before Merida could answer Nihlus came onto the comm. "_This place got hit hard, Commander. Hostiles everywhere. Keep your guard up._" He went silent again.

"Does he think we're blind?!" Jenkins exclaimed, and Merida could tell this was getting too much for him.

"Jenkins, remember: keep a cool head. Let's move," she told him, but also telling herself. In her mind she was already setting up the mantra, 'It's not Mindoir.' Jenkins nodded, and the three of them moved forward. As they moved, the smell of burning bodies reached them before the sight of the bodies did.

'It's Not Mindoir,' Merida repeated as she signalled to them to take cover. The bodies stopped. Something told Merida that there was a reason. There was something in the air, a sound so quiet she wasn't sure what it was. She moved forward just enough to see flashes; she couldn't see what caused them though. Jenkins must have seen them too. She saw a glimpse of his face as he went past her. It was a look of desperation, anger, and more. He charged forward, only to see too late the drones that came at him, taking him down as his yells of attack turned to screams of pain.

"Jenkins!"

Kaidan jumped out of cover seconds before Merida did. Between them they took the drones out easily, and Merida rushed to Jenkins side. His face stared up at her, frozen in pain and fear.

"Ripped right through his shields. . . . He never had a chance," Merida shuddered, trying to remain the commander, but it was getting harder. First the colony, now seeing Jenkins die . . .

She didn't want any more reminders, didn't want to think of them . . . "We'll come back for him. Make sure he has a proper funeral," she croaked before clearing her throat. Kaidan only nodded. He was upset too, but they had to keep moving. 'It's not Mindoir. It's not Akuze,' Merida reminded herself. As they kept moving forward she started to wonder if there was anyone alive at all anymore. Her thoughts stilled the moment she heard gun fire.

Going for cover, the pair witnessed a young female solider running in their direction, now and then turning to destroy the drones who were returning fire quicker than the single solider could aim. Merida didn't hesitate, jumping out and joining the fight, Kaidan following suit, taking down the drones. Once they were gone, Merida turned to the soldier, recognizing her from the communication received by the _Normandy_. She was about to ask the woman if she was alright when a new noise reached them. The trio turned and watched, horrified. A pair of geth held a colonist and placed him on some sort of strange device. A device that turned into a giant spike, impaling the colonist. The sound the man emitted made Merida want to vomit.

Going back into cover she heard Kaidan murmur out loud, "Oh my god, what are they doing to the colonists? Those poor people!" he exclaimed.

"Quiet, Lieutenant," Merida told him, before realising too late that their words had gained the geth's attention. Cursing, she signaled the pair to flank the enemy while she took out her pistol and took center. Within minutes the geth were dead, or whatever synthetics called it. Putting her gun away, she moved over to the female soldier to make sure she was alright.

"Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. You the one in charge, Ma'am?" Ashley Williams asked.

Merida nodded. "Yes I am. Commander Merida Shepard. Are you alright Williams? Any injuries that need tending?"

"A few scrapes and bruises. Nothing serious. The others weren't so lucky."

Others. Merida remembered the footage, silently cursing again. They should have worked to get here sooner.

"Oh man . . . We were patrolling the perimeter . . . when the attack hit." Ashley started to ramble. "We tried . . . to get off a distress call . . . but they cut our communications . . ." She hesitated. "I've been fighting for my life ever since," her voice sounded horse.

Merida swallowed. They had received the communication, and she had seen Ashley's squad get attacked. She knew it was foolish to ask, fearing she knew the answer. "Where is the rest of your squad?"

"We tried doubling back to the beacon."

The beacon. Merida couldn't help but feel that it was the cause of all this chaos. The death and destruction.

"But we walked into an ambush." Ashley let out a long breath. "I don't think any of the others . . . I think I'm the only one left."

There. Merida saw it. The same guilt she knew all too well after Akuze. "It's not your fault Williams. You couldn't have done anything to save them I'm sure. You did what you could. You fought."

"Yes, Ma'am. We held our position for as long as we could. Until the geth over whelmed us."

Geth. The realization of what they were fighting finally hitting Merida. As if hearing her thoughts, Kaidan spoke up. "The geth haven't been seen outside the veil in nearly 200 years. Why are they here now!?"

"They must have come for the beacon," Ashley confirmed Merida's suspicions. "The dig site is close. Just over that rise. It might still be there."

Merida nodded. "We could use your help. If you're up to it."

Ashley stood up straight. "It would be an honor. Time for some payback, Ma'am."

"Good to have you join us," Kaidan told her, following his own introductions.

From there Merida learned whatever she could from Ashley about the situation. What she knew about the beacon, the geth, the scientists, the lead up to the attack, and finally, if Ashley had seen Nihlus.

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The video from Ashley's communication attempt didn't do the ship any justice. Like the witness statements Merida had gotten from the few survivors she and her companions had found, the sound the ship emitted echoed in her head. It was unlike anything she had ever heard. And the size. . . Merida shuddered. The large ship flew off into space and Merida only hoped they weren't too late.

This mission was going south so fast. Bouts of bad news, attacks left right and center, however the worst had yet to come. Despite wishing things would improve, her hopes proved to be for naught as they came across more fights, and hints that there was another turian around.

Questions started to build up in Merida's mind. Questions she wanted answered, realising that until she found the beacon she wouldn't be learning anything new. What was that giant ship? Where was it from? Why were the geth after the beacon? Why were they working with a turian? And most importantly, who was that turian, if it wasn't Nihlus?

Unfortunately the answer to the last question was answered too soon. They found Nihlus dead. Beyond him was a dockworker who had been hiding behind some crates. From him, the trio learned the name of the other turian. Someone who Nihlus had known well enough to drop his defenses. And it had gotten him killed. Saren.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

Joker wasn't sure what was going on. Only a few hours ago, he had dropped Shepard and her ground team on Eden Prime's surface. He had seen the colony from the cockpit. Worry and frustration started to eat at him as the minutes went by. He didn't want to have seen the last of the commander.

"_Joker, have you heard anything_?" Anderson asked over the comm.

"Nothing yet, Captain."

Suddenly he heard Shepard's voice. "_Joker, come in. The beacon is secure. We need extraction . . ._"

"Aye aye, Commander," he told her, thanking the powers that be that Shepard seemed to be fine.

"_. . . and a couple of body bags._"

His stomach fell. He knew about Akuze of course. Was she an only survivor again? Joker cursed the spectre once again.

He flew in, but instead of hearing Shepard announcing they were on board, he heard Kaidan.

"_We're on board; I'm taking Shepard to the med bay._"

"What the hell, Alenko! What the hell happened?" Joker snapped – he had just talked to her a few minutes ago.

Kaidan didn't answer right away. "_It's my fault._"

"What did you do!?"

"_I don't know,_" was all he could say.

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Merida woke with a start. Haunting images of a failing battle and mass murder still ghosted behind her eyes. Vaguely she became aware of the doctor scanning her as she tried to remember what had happened. It became easy.

They arrived at the beacon, fighting geth and defusing bombs on the way. Once the beacon had been located, she contacted Joker, only to see the beacon activate. Things blurred after that. She vaguely remembered pushing Kaidan, and then nothing before the images assaulted her.

The minutes that followed were filled with an onslaught of information: finding out she had been out for fifteen hours; then to find out from Anderson that Saren was another spectre. Merida didn't know how to react. He had told her that the council would want answers. She would give them, but she had to agree with him: this was bad.

As soon as he left, Chakwas came back in. "You're free to go, but I think you should check in at the cockpit. Let a certain pilot know you're awake," the doctor told Merida with a small smile.

"Joker was asking about me?" Merida turned her head to the doctor, surprised. A small part of her stomach fluttered, but most of her was confused as to why – he was her pilot, and she, his commander.

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Jenkins dead, the spectre dead. Joker sighed, frustrated and impatient. Fifteen hours since Alenko had brought Shepard aboard, unconscious. After dropping her off at the med bay he had come to the cockpit. Joker tried grilling the biotic for some kind of explanation, but Kaidan wasn't willing to talk about what happened. It was obvious he felt guilty about something. Maybe he should call the med bay again –

"Joker," the soft voice brought him out of his thoughts, making him jump before he turned to see Shepard there.

She gave him a small smile as she climbed into the co-pilot's seat. "I heard you were worried."

"Who, me?" Joker tried feigning innocence, but only for a moment. "I heard about Jenkins and the spectre. Listen, I'm sorry."

"It's my fault, Joker. Jenkins, Nihlus. They died because of me." Shepard looked out of the window at the stars, her voice dripping with guilt.

"What do you mean?"

"Jenkins. . . I should have stopped him from running out. I could tell something was there, I should have been able to keep him in line." Shepard seemed to hesitate, unsure of continuing. "And Nihlus. . . he was there because of me.

"Because of you?" Joker didn't like the way she was thinking. From what he knew of her reputation, she always did everything she could to keep people alive, even risking missions to do so.

"He was assessing me. He had nominated me to be a spectre and was supposed to be assessing me." Shepard didn't look at him as she spoke.

Joker faltered, remembering what he had said before about hating spectres. "You'd make a good spectre," he told her. "I'm sure you'll still get the position."

Shepard looked at him suddenly. "Would you really think I'm worthy of being a spectre, after what happened?"

"If it's you, why not." Joker smiled, causing Shepard's own smile to return briefly.

They stayed like that, both of them in the cockpit as the ship flew to the Citadel. Neither of them spoke, but they didn't need to.

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"This is an outrage! The council would step in if the geth attacked a turian colony!" Ambassador Udina roared, making Kaidan cringe.

The holographs argued that it was because humans had colonised on the border of the Terminus Systems. Of course Udina argued, bringing up Saren, too. The Council had an answer for that too. He was being investigated by C-sec, the Citadel's security and police force. They did, however, acknowledge there would be a hearing before disconnecting.

"Typical aliens. Always looking out for their own races, making up excuses, not seeing the real threat," Ashley muttered.

Shepard, Ashley and himself had entered the office only moments ago, hearing the tail end of Udina's call. Anderson had brought them in as they were the ground team, Shepard's expression hardened as they heard Udina arguing. Kaidan could tell Ashley's attitude rubbed Shepard the wrong way – he had caught her hands clenching. He knew it wasn't because the council were aliens, that they were like this. They were politicians. Very different.

Anderson and Udina started talking, the former motioned for Shepard to join them. Kaidan could hear Udina question the legality of the reports from Eden Prime as Shepard walked over to them.

"They are. Sounds like you convinced the council to give us a hearing," he heard Anderson say.

"See, Williams? They're giving us a hearing. At least that's something," Kaidan told the newest member of the _Normandy._

"Yeah, but how good will that hearing be? I bet you, that council will be more focused on our faults as humans, that it's our _fault_ we got attacked," Ashley scowled. "Like I said, typical aliens."

Kaidan noticed how Udina kept going on about how the council didn't like what they heard. How Saren's reputation would make it hard to convince them otherwise.

"What do you think of our great ambassador?" he asked Ashley.

"I think he would sooner brown nose the council then really push to help the human race."

Kaidan gaped at her. "I know he likes to hear himself talk, but really?"

"What? You know you agree with me."

"No I don't!"

Suddenly Shepard's voice broke through Udina's. "Saren is a threat. He had the geth killing colonists, he was after the beacon. There were enough explosives to wipe the colony off the face of the planet. I'm sorry, Sir, but those bombs were turian design. He needs to be stopped."

"You tell him, Commander," Ashley shouted, receiving dirty looks from most in the room.

"Really?" Kaidan asked her, making the young woman shrug.

"You've jeopardized your candidacy to be a spectre," Udina started, going on another rant until Anderson jumped in.

"You hear that? Spectre!" Ashley asked, trying not to draw attention again.

"Well that explains Nihlus." Kaidan clapped his hand on the railing.

"You had better hope the C-Sec investigation proves your story right." Udina scowled at Merida. "The hearing is in a few hours. Anderson, I would like to discuss things with you before the hearing. It will be in the Citadel Tower, top level. I'll make sure you have accesses."

Anderson looked at the trio. "You're dismissed." He gave Merida a nod, which she returned before leaving, Kaidan and Ashley following her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Having a few hours to spare, Merida wanted to make a few stops, and had a few things she needed to do. Things she needed to do alone. So she told Kaidan and Ashley to keep in touch, but otherwise go and do whatever.

Once they split up she went to the Alliance offices. She had to find out if Jenkins had anyone left so she could inform them. As it turned out he did have someone. He had an aunt who was on a different planet. Getting the woman's contact information, she sent off a letter to her:

**To: Ms. Fiona Jenkins,**

**You may not know me. My name is Commander Merida Shepard of the **_**Normandy**_**. I served with your nephew, Corporal Richard L. Jenkins. I'm sorry to inform you that he was killed in the line of duty, under my watch. His body is currently being held at the Citadel. He was a brave soldier who had a lot of promise. He will be missed among the crew. If you wish to contact me, I'm including my own information. **

For Merida's next stop, she went to the medical clinic in the Wards. She wanted to increase her medigel capacity. She had a feeling she would need it. Normally the stuff was expensive, but ever since Merida helped Dr. Michel with a blackmailer during one shore leave she had, the doctor gave her a discount.

From there she stopped at a few other shops before it was time to meet up with her two comrades at the tower.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

To say the hearing was a farce would be kind. To say Merida was pissed would be an understatement. Saren was there, vial hologram, spouting lies. And the council drank it all in. Saren even showed disdain towards Anderson. Merida remembered her surrogate father mentioning once that he was up for being a spectre, but on his assessment mission things went horribly wrong. The turian spectre he was partnered with made a choice that cost the lives of hundreds. He then blamed Anderson instead. She risked a glance at Anderson before looking back at Saren . . .

Udina ranted right back at the council, but it didn't seem to matter. There wasn't any evidence to support their accusations. The only good thing that came out of it was that though C-Sec dropped the case, one of its investigators, Garrus, wasn't willing to let it go.

Merida stood outside of the Citadel Tower, her left hand firmly against the wall she'd just punched, pain still shooting up her arm. She was sure she'd broken a finger or sprained her wrist.

"Well, at least we have a couple of leads," Kaidan reminded her, neither him nor Ashley willing to go near her at the moment. "Garrus, and that volus Anderson mentioned . . . "

"Barla Von." Merida repeated the name, removing her hand from the wall. The volus was an agent for the Shadow Broker. Which may, or may not, be a good thing. Everyone had heard of the Shadow Broker.

"Where should we go first, Commander?" Ashley asked. She was just as mad, Merida could tell.

"Barla Von first, then check in with Harkin."

"Should we split up?" Kaidan asked.

"No. There's a chance Saren could send someone after us. We stick together," Merida ordered, a little too harshly. "I don't want to risk losing anyone else."

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Merida swore. They were at the same clinic she'd just visited earlier. Garrus was there, and so were a group of mercenaries. They had the doctor hostage, demanding information about a quarian.

Merida hadn't even planned on coming in here, not realising Garrus would be here. After seeing Barla Von she had wanted her team mates to get better equipment, so they had made a detour to the ward shops, and were heading to C-sec from there when they heard shouting as they passed near the clinic.

After a brief fight, in which Merida found herself favoring her left hand, she went to the doctor, flanked by Garrus. "Dr. Michel, are you ok?" she asked the shaken woman, who only nodded. "Why were they here? What is this about a quarian?"

The doctor confessed she'd helped a young quarian; the girl had been attacked and needed medical assistance. The young quarian had been looking for someone with connections to the Shadow Broker. She had evidence on Saren. So the doctor had sent her to the owner of the same bar Harkin was supposed to be in.

"We need to get there." Merida looked to her companions before turning to Garrus. "You're free to join us."

"If it means taking down Saren, you know I'm there." The turian gave his own equivalent of a smile.

"Shepard are you sure?" Ashley asked, giving Garrus a dirty look.

Merida looked her in the eye. "Williams, Garrus is another gun. He's after Saren just like the rest of us. He's coming." Merida hated xenophobes.

They turned to go, at least before Dr. Michel stopped her. "Commander, your hand." She grabbed Merida's arm, pulling her over to look at her hand, scanning it. "No breaks, sprained." She applied medigel. Just as Merida was about to ask how she knew, she added. "I noticed during the fight. Don't worry, I won't ask how."

"Thank you," Merida told her.

The four rushed to the club, only to be greeted by more mercenaries, courtesy of Saren. Once the outside was cleared and they were in, not only was there more fighting, but the men inside, employees, were fighting a single krogan.

Merida and the others joined the fight, which went on into the back and the main office of the club. The krogan, who didn't argue their presence before now, was about to shoot Fist, the bar's owner, before Merida stopped him.

"Thank you! Please, I have information." The man quivered on the floor.

"Yes you do. And that's why I stopped him. I need information. Where is the quarian?"

The krogan growled. "I don't know who you are human, but Fist is mine. I was hired to take care of him.

Merida turned to the krogan. "If you kill him now, then I lose evidence against Saren."

"Saren?" The krogan rumbled. "Fine." He turned the gun away. "Speak human," he told Fist.

Fist stuttered at first, before more guns were put to his head, but he confessed. Merida didn't say a thing. She turned and ran out, the rest of her growing squad joining her. All of them ignoring the gunshot that echoed behind them.

Minutes passed as they ran and defeated Saren's men as they tried to kill the young quarian, right where Fist said she would be. After they saved the quarian, proper introductions were made – the krogan, Wrex, and the quarian's name, Tali. Ashley started to object more, voicing concerns about the aliens joining them. Merida didn't care to hear any of it. Instead she turned to Tali, confirming what Dr. Michel had told them. They had their evidence.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

Merida headed to the Citadel Tower, her old and new companions in tow. It was time to give the council their evidence. As they walked, she opened up her comm. She wanted Anderson and Udina to be there. "Anderson, do you read me?"

"_Shepard, what's going on? I've just been informed about a fight in the clinic from the wards._" She could hear the worry in his voice – both professional and personal.

Merida didn't know how she could defend the fighting, not yet at least. "I have the evidence we need to take down Saren," she informed him. "I'm going to the council now."

"_Wait, what?!_" She started to hear heavy footsteps. "_Don't do or say anything until Udina and I are there. You hear me Shepard?_"

Merida looked up at the tower. "I'm already here Anderson. We're heading up."

She shut off her comm as she and her growing group entered the elevator.

"Are you sure we should be going ahead? Maybe we should wait for Anderson and Udina," Kaidan suggested.

"I'm with LT on this," Ashley commented, moving so she was as far from the aliens as she could be for the elevator ride.

Before Merida could answer, Garrus looked at Ashley, speaking up. "This is one of the rare occasions where waiting would be rather detrimental."

Wrex rumbled. "I hate to say this, but I agree with the turian. If we wait around, Saren could attack us again. As much as I would love to keep fighting, he needs to be taken down."

Merida smiled at the small revelation that her alien associates understood the seriousness of the situation and that they were more in sync with her line of thought, so much more than her own Alliance comrades, and she was looking forward to confronting the Council.

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The council were in a meeting with an elcor diplomat. From what Merida could hear, some unsavory information about himself had come into light. Fortunately for Merida, the elcor had stopped talking, if for a moment.

"Councillors, I apologize for intruding, but I have the evidence you require." She signaled for Tali to join her as she stood where Udina had been during the hearing.

"Shepard. I appreciate you may have evidence, however, you have just interrupted a very important meeting." The asari councillor, Tevos, stared her down.

Merida stared back. "This _can't_ wait. I'm sure the diplomat would be willing to wait just a while longer."

"Sighing resignation: the council lacks willingness to help. I will leave."

Merida watched the elcor go before looking at the quarian beside her. "Tali, could you play the audio clip?"

Tali had been wringing her hands, obviously embarrassed. "Oh yes. Of course." She pulled out her omnitool and opened the same audio file she had played for Merida in the alley.

Saren's voice filled the council chamber. "_Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit._"

The councillors looked at each other. Merida couldn't help the smile that played on her lips.

"_And one step closer to the return of the reapers_," a second voice finished, before Tali turned the recording off.

"That was definitely Saren," the turian councillor, Sparatus, looked at his comrades.

Salarian councillor, Valern added. "Clearly. Quarian, where did you find this recording?"

Tali started with telling them her full name before explaining how she was able to get the recording from a geth, which led them to questions as to why she was there. Merida had planned on asking when they didn't have to worry about time, but she listened as Tali explained now. And it was just as she was finishing up that Anderson and Udina showed up.

"Shepard! Of all the impudence! Coming in here! Not going through the proper channels!" Udina tore into her, or at least tried to.

Anderson was more patient. "Relax Udina; there's no reason to get so worked up." Merida knew that Anderson was aware of what she was like. Knew she liked to get things done. "But I _do_ think Shepard's action here is questionable. Something we will have to discuss later."

"Thank you Tali'Zorah nar Rayya," the asari councillor said, re-gaining their attention. "As for the other voice: that would be Matriarch Benezia,"

"So, now you've heard the evidence," Merida spoke up.

"Indeed, this proof is irrefutable. Saren will be stripped of his spectre rank, and he will be brought in for his crimes," Sparatus told all who were in attendance.

Merida would have sighed in relief if not for the setting she was in. "May I ask, who is Matriarch Benezia?"

Tevos spoke up again, answering her. "Matriarchs' are powerful asari who are in their later years, and have become powerful biotics. They act as guides and mentors to my people, revered for their wisdom and experience."

Merida wanted to roll her eyes – she'd asked who the woman was, not _what_ she was.

"Benezia is one such asari. As an ally to Saren she will be a formidable foe, especially with her followers," warned the councillor.

Valern looked to Tali. "What of these reapers? What do we know about them?"

Tali, who had stepped back to join the others, came forward again. "From what I've gathered from the geth's memory core, they are an ancient race of machines that wiped out the protheans before disappearing." She looked to Merida who nodded back – this was her discovery. "The geth worship the reapers as gods. They believe that this Saren is a prophet who will bring them back, and the conduit is the key to do that."

Merida took over. "That's what Saren's looking for. It's why he attacked Eden Prime."

The councillors all looked at each other. "Do we even know what this conduit is?"

"No." Merida confessed to them. "But if Saren is after it, that's bad enough. We need to stop him before he can find it, or find it first."

Udina cut in. "Do you hear what you're saying. Reapers!?"

Sparatus nodded. "The ambassador is right. Saren bringing back the reapers? Machines responsible for wiping out all life in the galaxy. Why would he do that? Impossible, it has to be." He shook his head. "Where did they go? Why vanish? If they were real, why have we yet to find any evidence of them?"

Merida couldn't believe them. "I tried to tell you about Saren, but you wouldn't listen. At least not until I brought proof. Don't make the same mistake, or else it may be too late."

"Yes, you proved Saren's betrayal, and that he is searching for the conduit," Tevos started.

Valern took over. "It's clear that these reapers are nothing more than a myth fabricated by Saren. So the geth will do as he wishes."

Were these aliens idiots?! Merida could hear her companions, quiet until now, start to voice her thoughts until they were silenced – most likely by Anderson's stare. In the meantime Merida kept trying to get the council to see reason.

It didn't go well, until Udina stepped in, demanding that a fleet be sent in to find Saren. Ok, Merida thought, so Udina wasn't willing to believe in the reapers, but would still go after Saren. When that didn't pass, he suggested the fleet move to keep the geth away from the colonies. Again that didn't seem to pass. The bickering went on until Merida had to step in.

"You don't need to send in a fleet," she told them, then suggested, "Why not just send another spectre after him?"

Tevos nodded. "Agreed . . . "

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Merida walked out of the council chambers. Anderson and Udina had stayed behind. She was still having a hard time processing what had just happened. The council had liked her idea of sending one ship after Saren, and one spectre. But that spectre was her . . . Merida couldn't believe they had made her a spectre.

"I have to say, congratulations Shepard," Garrus told her, clapping her on the back a little too hard.

Wrex chuckled. "So the humans finally get a spectre."

Ashley gave him a dirty look. "You have a problem with that, _krogan_?"

Wrex shook his head. "Just stating the obvious, human."

"Guys come on. We're all happy for Shepard," Kaidan spoke up before turning to her. "Anderson said to meet him at the ship. Should we head over right away?"

Merida thought about it. "Not just yet." She looked at the three aliens she had picked up on her trip throughout the Citadel. "I want to thank you guys for helping me get the evidence I needed, but, what I have to do now . . . It could get dangerous." Garrus was c-sec, Tali was fresh from the flotilla. Wrex was a mercenary, but what was happening was far bigger than a simple job. She expected them all to take this chance to leave.

Garrus shook his head. "I always get my man, or rather, my target. He may not be on the Citadel, but he still needs to be taken down. Even if it means I have to leave C-sec to do it."

"Saren is dangerous," Wrex stated simply. "He needs to die."

Tali wrung her hands. "I want to help."

Merida looked at them all shocked. "Are you serious? You know this is dangerous. Saren is an ex-spectre, who's working with the geth."

"Yes," came three replies from the aliens.

Merida couldn't help but feel grateful. They'd already proven themselves, and she couldn't have asked for a better team. "Alright, before we get to the ship, I want to make sure you have the best equipment." Before leading them to the shops, she noticed the glare from Ashley. She would have to talk with her later.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It didn't take long before they arrived at the ship, both Anderson and Udina were there waiting for them.

"Took you long enough, Shepard," Udina snapped.

Anderson stood up for her. "Udina, I'm sure Shepard has her reasons for taking as long as she did."

Udina scowled. "As well as it may be, Shepard has to think about her actions." He turned to her. "I've got big news for you, Shepard. Captain Anderson is stepping down as commanding officer of the _Normandy_. The ship is now yours."

Merida couldn't help but gape, looking at Anderson. "Sir, is this true?"

Anderson nodded, assuring her of the ships good points – that it was perfect for a spectre – but she could tell that this was far from what Anderson wanted. For as long as she had known him, she knew he wasn't one to give up a ship so easily. He must have seen her unease because he told Udina that there wasn't any more reason to stay, causing the ambassador to leave.

Merida looked to her squad. "Go on to the ship. I'll be there shortly to update and figure out what has to be done before we leave." Kaidan and the others nodded, leaving Merida and Anderson alone before she turned to him. "What is this really about, Anderson? Giving me the Normandy? You're not one to step down."

Anderson went to the rail and leaned against it with his hands. "You're right, I'm not," he sighed in defeat. "But with this being Saren, Udina felt it was the best course of action."

Merida joined him at the rail. "He was the turian you told me about. The one that caused you to lose your spectre status." Anderson nodded. "Damn, so any connection you have to this will be viewed as personal." She bowed her head, suddenly quiet. "But why me? I failed Eden Prime; because of me a spectre and an up and coming corporal are dead. Do I really deserve to be a spectre?"

"You got the evidence to prove Saren is guilty. You've gained allies not because they're Alliance, but because they want to help _you_. Not to mention what you've done in the past up to now. You deserve to be a spectre, Shepard. Don't doubt yourself."

She shook her head. "I got that evidence through pure dumb luck. And those allies, they just want to take down Saren. And those past things I've done, they aren't anything to be proud of."

Anderson turned Merida to face him. "Listen to me. You are one of the most amazing people I've ever known. You've always done your best, and you've never given up. So don't give up now. Go out there and take down Saren. Prove to the Council and yourself that you're worthy of being a spectre."

Merida swallowed and hugged him. Of course it was something that would be frowned on, but they were alone. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now go on Shepard and get the ship, _your_ ship, ready. It's all yours. I've already had my things removed."

Merida nodded and headed into the _Normandy_. Despite Anderson's words, this still felt all so surreal to her. It wasn't until she heard Joker's voice that she realised she'd been standing just inside the ship for several minutes.

"So ah, I noticed we have some new crew members. Aliens. Interesting. I didn't realise Alliance had started branching out." Joker glanced at her before focusing on the controls.

Merida almost smiled, despite her mood. Whatever the comments Joker made were, they always lifted her even if it was just a little bit. "They aren't Alliance, but they're helping us."

"Oh, and does the Alliance approve of this?" She could almost see the raised eyebrow though she was behind him.

"I don't answer to the Alliance, well not officially, not anymore. Now I answer to the council."

"I thought only spectres did that." Joker looked back at her, and Merida looked right back. Did she really need to say it? Apparently she didn't because suddenly . . . "Holy shit, Commander! They made you a spectre! I told you they would!"

Merida couldn't help but laugh this time. "Yeah, and my first mission is to go after Saren."

Joker stared at her, taking in what she said. Then very slowly he narrowed his eyes. "But if you're a spectre, why are you on this ship?" He wasn't accusing, his voice was more curious. "Wouldn't they give you your own ship?"

Merida nodded. "They did, the _Normandy_. Anderson stepped down, well, after it was _highly _suggested by Udina."

"Shit," Joker said quietly after a moment. "So that's why there were people taking boxes out. Anderson's belongings."

"Yeah." Merida looked back towards the CIC before looking back at Joker. "I need you to call and arrange for the delivery of food appropriate to our newest crew's needs. Delivered as soon as possible. I'm going to the captain's . . . _my_, room." She turned to walk off . . .

"I'm on it." Joker started bringing up the contacts he would need to make. "Oh, and Commander?" She stopped and turned back to him. "About what I said before . . . well, if I'm to fly for a spectre, I'm glad it's you."

Merida smiled at him, a full smile, and the kind that was becoming rare for her as of late. "Thanks Joker." She turned back and headed off, missing the blush that dusted the pilot's face.

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Joker turned as he heard Shepard approaching the cockpit. She was brushing some strands of her wavy black hair out of her eyes. She must have been lying down, he thought, considering the state of her shoulder length hair. He wanted to say something, make a quip about professionalism, but she beat him to the punch.

"So, are we ready to go? Supplies all delivered?" Shepard asked, her hand resting on the back of his chair.

"Yep, just finished getting the last of it put away." Joker had called her and let her know about how long the deliveries would be. That was a few hours ago. "All set when you are, Commander."

Shepard nodded. "Alright, as you bring her out, I want to address the crew. I have to be honest."

"Aye aye." Joker turned on the intercom before signalling the floor, so to speak, was hers.

Joker listened to Shepard give a speech to the crew. She had said she would be honest, and she was. Hardcore honest, but Joker had a feeling that the crew didn't care. They were all behind her, every last person on the ship. When she finished she gave him that same smile that always seemed to make his stomach flutter. Or clench? He wasn't sure but he knew he enjoyed seeing it.

"I'll be back later," she patted his shoulder. "After I've talked with the crew . . . and a certain gunnery officer." He heard her mutter the last part as she walked away.

He would have wondered what that was about, but his thoughts were far from where they should be, and on the scent Shepard always seemed to leave behind, a blend he could only describe as a lush, thriving forest that reminded him of home, mixed in with comfortingly familiar smell of gun smoke. Perfection.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note__: Hi, I want to thank everyone that has commented, favorite and follow this story. They make me smile every time. I also want thank my Beta Reader, who has been very patient with me and helping me perfect each chapter._

**Chapter Five:**

Merida stepped out of engineering where she had just finished speaking with Tali. The conversation had gone great, and was very informative. After the young quarian gushed about the engine, the conversation turned to the way her people lived.

She planned on talking to Ashley, having saved her for last. Merida had already spoken with Wrex and Garrus, wanting to get to know them better. What she learned was enough to fill a codex.

To top it off, during the conversation with Wrex, she had received a message from Pinnacle station, inviting her to take their tests. She just shut down the message. This was not the time to visit the station, especially since it reminded her of Nihlus. Maybe she would check it out when this was all done.

She was almost to Ashley, though the woman didn't seem to notice, her focus on the weapons in front of her. Unfortunately she was interrupted by Joker.

"_Commander, Anderson wishes to speak with you._"

"Alright, I'll take it in my cabin," she responded, making a mental note to speak with Ashley later as she headed to the cabin. Once there she opened up the comm channel. "Anderson, what can I do for you?"

"_Leads, Shepard,_" he informed her. "_Just got word that the geth are attacking the planets: Feros and Noveria. On top of that, I learned that Matriarch Benezia has a daughter, Dr. Liara T'Soni. An expert in protheans whose last whereabouts were at an archeological dig site somewhere in the Artemis Tau cluster._"

"Does Dr. T'Soni have anything to do with Saren?"

"_Not that we know of. Though we want to be 100% sure._"

Merida thought for a moment. If they found the doctor then they would have a step up on Saren, either by taking away one of his assets, or gaining an ally and expert. "Alright. Thank you." They disconnected before she contacted Joker. "Take us to the Artemis Tau cluster."

"_To find the doctor?_"

She raised an eyebrow. "You were listening?" she asked, amused.

"_How else could I anticipate your next order, Commander?_" Joker chuckled, making Merida join him. "_Taking the ship to the Artemis Tau cluster. I'll let you know when you we get there."_

"Thanks, Joker." She was going to have to wait to speak with Ashley, but for now, inform the crew of their first goal in taking down Saren.

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It still surprised Merida how easily the _Mako_ could drive; she hadn't driven one herself before. Yet here she was driving to what she believed was a possible rescue mission. They had just finished searching half of the Artemis Tau cluster for Dr. T'Soni when a distress call was picked up, paired up with coordinates.

As they approached, Kaidan got up and looked out the front view over her shoulder. "Something isn't right," he commented.

Merida stopped the _Mako_ as soon as she saw the bodies. There was something about the way they littered the area that sent chills up her spin. This felt way too familiar. "Kaidan, I want you and Tali to stay in the Mako. Garrus, you're with me," she ordered, getting out, shaking as she did. "Get the guns ready. We may need it."

"Commander?" Kaidan looked at her confused, as did Garrus. Tali too, or at least Merida imagined she was by the way she tilted her head.

"Just, keep an eye out." She left the _Mako_, Garrus following her. Now she was out she could see the bodies better. The chill she'd felt in the vehicle multiplied tenfold. She knew what had killed the marines. She could hear the screams echoing in her head.

"By the spirits!" Garrus started toward the bodies.

"Garrus! DON'T!" Merida screamed, but it was too late, the ground started to rumble seconds before the thresher maw burst from the ground. "RUN!" She started racing back towards the Mako. "Kaidan! Shoot it!" she ordered into her comm.

"_Don't need to tell me twice_," he told her as he started firing. Garrus soon joined in.

Merida didn't. Once she was far enough she stopped, but she didn't turn around. The gunfire faded, replaced with the rapid beating of her heart. It was accompanied with the screams of the long-dead, creating a horrific chorus that rose until the sudden silence. She was left trembling, frozen on the spot. She stayed that way until she heard the thresher maw collapse, dead.

She turned and looked at the creature. Merida had never seen one dead this close before. She wanted to scream, wanted to yell all the profanities that seemed trapped in her throat, in her heart. She was renowned for Akuze, but she had never actually killed that maw, she never took the killing shot. She felt her eyes burn as she took out her pistol and started shooting the one in front of her, going closer. At least until Garrus grabbed her and pulled her back to the _Mako_ as Kaidan and Tali got out, both of them looking at her, alarmed and concerned. She avoided their looks as best as she could, though she caught them glancing at each other before setting off.

"This isn't a coincidence." Kaidan approached the marines as Tali went to the transmitter.

Tali nodded. "This wasn't placed by the Alliance. I don't recognize it."

Merida paled as she heard. "We can't . . . can't let this happen again. Tali, disable it." The young quarian nodded and did something with her omnitool.

"It is done, Commander," Tali told her before she joined up with Merida.

Merida nodded. "Alright, let's get back to the ship. We can't do anything more for these marines . . ." She contacted Joker, telling him they needed an extraction, and a handful of body bags. The only thing they could do, was give the families of the marines peace.

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Merida didn't leave her room for the next few hours. She had ordered the ship to return to the Citadel to deliver the bodies of the dead marines, and had Kaidan inform Admiral Kahoku. One call to Anderson told her who they had served under. Otherwise she stayed in the cabin. She had lost her composure, became weak in the face of danger. She had failed her squad; she barely acted as a commander. How many nights had she laid awake with those screams in her head? Seeing her friends fall one by one. When she had talked to Anderson, he was concerned. Of course he was. After Akuze . . . she shook her head. Eventually she got up and went to the cockpit, to look at the stars – ignoring the looks of everyone she passed. It was something that eased her – that and the pilot who would be right there in the cockpit.

"Hey there, Commander," Joker greeted her as she approached behind him, though of course he didn't even turn to see it was her. "Want to talk about it?" he asked her as she sat in the co-pilot's seat, and she could hear concern in his voice.

"No, not right now Joker. Thank you." She looked out at the stars, and sat there for some time, not saying anything. "You know," she glanced at him. "We haven't talked about you a lot. I've gotten to know other members of the crew, but not you." She wanted to distract herself.

Joker sighed. "Ok, I was expecting this at some point. You read my file, didn't you? I'll tell you the same thing I told Anderson. Everything I have, everything I did – I earned it all. No one ever took pity on me because of my disease."

Merida flushed red. He was . . . "Joker . . . I'm sorry. I didn't know you were sick . . ." And he was still piloting?

"You didn't-! Ah crap . . ." It was his turn to go red. "I've got . . . Vrolik's Syndrome. Brittle bone disease," he started to explain, but before he could finish, Merida interrupted him.

"It's ok, Joker. I know what it is, and I know there are limitations. I also know that you've proven that it doesn't define you. Just like my eyes never defined me," Merida told him, leaning towards him so he could see them better. She watched as Joker studied her eyes, his own shifting from one eye to the other, narrowing only briefly.

"I thought it was my imagination before, but, they glow, not a lot, just a bit."

"That's right. I have cybernetic lenses. I was born with crap eye sight. Without these I can only see blobs of colors, maybe shapes if they were distinct enough." Merida looked out at the stars once more. "It was like that until my tenth birthday. My parents had saved up enough money to get me the original lenses before I upgraded on joining the Alliance. Now they give me advantages when hacking and shooting." She turned back to him. "Looking at the stars has always been one of the few things I could do with or without these. To see all the lights in the darkness of the sky." Her gaze returned to the stars.

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Merida raced towards the _Normandy_, the prothean ruins collapsing behind her. Ahead of her Kaidan and Wrex used biotics to deflect the falling debris, followed by Liara T'Soni. They had found her imprisoned within a prothean barrier of her own making, so to speak. It had been triggered when the doctor attempted to activate the defences when the geth had attacked and killed everyone else. Once they freed her, the group were faced with more geth just as the ruins started collapsing. Now they were running for their lives, Merida and Garrus taking up the rear, shooting any lingering geth that attempted to intercept them.

Soon enough they were on the ship. Ashley was still there in the bay, but she was staring at them. Her mouth open, confused. "Ashley, go with Wrex and Garrus to the comm room. Take Dr. T'Soni with you." The gunnery chief closed her mouth and nodded, leading the three as Kaidan and Merida took off their armour to put away.

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"_That was way too close, Commander._" Joker informed Merida over the intercom. "_Ten more seconds and we would be swimming in molten sulphur. The Normandy isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference._"

Liara looked at Merida, bewildered. "We almost died out there, and your pilot's making jokes?"

Merida wanted to roll her eyes. He did have the nickname Joker for a reason. "He pulled us out of there. An _active_ volcano. I think he deserves to make a few bad jokes."

"_Thanks for the permission, Commander, I'll remember that,_" came Joker's quick reply. Merida felt her lips twitch, wanting to smile.

"Oh well, it must be a human thing. Something I don't have a lot experience with," Liara told her. "However, I'm grateful. You saved my life."

Merida heard Ashley start to mutter, "Better be grateful. Cost us the _Mako_, and if you're working with Benezia and Saren . . ."

With a glare, Merida silenced her. They really needed to have that talk.

Thankfully, Kaidan moved the subject along. "What_ did_ Saren want with you? Do you know anything about the Conduit?"

"Only that it was connected to the extinction of the protheans. Other than that, no. That has become my real expertise in the last fifty years."

The room went silent for several minutes.

"_Did she say fifty_?!"

"Joker _stop _listening in," Merida warned, her lips twitching again. "Joker?" Silence. She looked back at Liara. "How old _are_ you exactly?"

Liara blushed, or at least Merida thought she did. "One hundred and six," she answered like she was embarrassed. "Among the asari, I'm little more than a child. So I'm not taken very seriously."

"Can you tell us what you do know?" Merida asked.

"As you wish . . . "

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Merida moaned, rubbing her temples. She had hoped she wouldn't have to go through another session of flashing images after the beacon on Eden Prime. But Liara had said it would be for the best if she did a mind meld thing to see the images herself. And then the asari had told her that it took a strong mind not to break, not to mention parts were missing. Great, just what she needed to hear. After, Liara had headed to the med bay, letting Merida write up her report and send it in before she too went to the med bay. Liara was already resting in the back room by the time she got there.

"Here you go, Commander, some pain killers for that headache," Chakwas offered, with a glass of water. Both Merida took without hesitation. "You're lucky we have these on board. These and the stronger doses for Lieutenant Alenko."

"Kaidan? Why would he need these?"

"Because of his migraines. Thanks to being an L2."

Merida looked out the window to where Kaidan worked. She had heard of L2's. From the L3 biotics she had worked with of course. Then she remembered that first time she talked to him. The way his face was scrunched up. Realisation hit her; he must have had a migraine at that time.

Joker broke through her thoughts. "_Commander, the council received your report and want to speak with you. Shall I put them through to the com room?_"

"If you would, Joker. I'm going there now." Merida drank the water and left, only to enter the comm room minutes later.

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Joker casually listened in to the meeting Shepard had with the council. But his mind was far from what was going on. Instead it was on Shepard herself, something that was becoming more and more common for him in his down time. He hadn't really seen her since she left to go and retrieve the asari doctor. And it was the conversation he had with her before then that kept his mind distracted now.

When Joker had first met her he had noticed her eyes, but never thought of them since. Not until Merida mentioned them. He couldn't believe it then, he still couldn't believe it now. In a way she was like him. Not so obvious, but she had her own weakness, something that could be seen as a fault. She had her lenses like he had his braces and crutches. Of course one could argue that she can see perfectly fine, that she doesn't know the hardship he had, but she had told him herself, she didn't get her lenses until she turned ten. That mean for the first ten years of her life she was practically blind. She didn't let her eyes define her, she had told him. He understood what she meant; she didn't have to say it out loud. She didn't want to be seen as the blind kid. Joker smiled. Shepard was one in a million.

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Merida finished the call with the council. Now, it was time to have a certain talk. "Joker, could you ask Ashley Williams to meet me in my cabin?" She started to head there herself. "Oh, and no listening in this time."

"_Of course, Commander._"

A few minutes after Merida entered her cabin, Ashley entered. "You wish to see me, Commander?"

"Yes, I need to speak to you about your attitude towards our newest members," Merida looked at Ashley.

"I don't understand, Commander?" The young woman was making sure she stood straight, understanding this wasn't a casual talk.

"Ashley, you're a good soldier, with a promising future. However. . . "

Ashley scoffed, but Merida continued on.

"However, you seem to have this attitude. I think the best, and polite, way of saying it is xenophobic."

Ashley flushed red. "Commander, I don't think . . ."

"_I_ do think, I know. And I don't approve, and I don't tolerate," Merida raised her voice slightly.

"Commander, if I may. You can't change a person's opinions." Ashley responded, getting a little loud herself.

"You're right. I can't, but that still doesn't mean I'll tolerate you acting on, or speaking about, those opinions. Our alien crew members are just that, part of the crew. I expect you to treat them as such." Ashley opened her mouth to speak but closed it when Merida held up her hand – she wasn't done talking. "We will be meeting with other aliens in our quest. This ship works for the council, the _alien _council. I expect you to remember that. If I see or hear any more, I will keep you on the ship during _all_ missions. Are we clear?"

Ashley nodded curtly. "Crystal, Ma'am," she said.

"Dismissed," Merida told her, then sat on the bed once Ashley left. Now it was a matter of heading to the next destination once she informed Joker.

Noveria.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

It was still a few hours before they would arrive at Noveria. Merida had left her cabin if only for a moment while she got her personal items from her locker. She figured it would be nicer to have them in her cabin – make it more like home, or someplace she could belong. It wasn't perfect, and Merida didn't know how long it would last, but she still wanted to try.

Again she couldn't help but reflect on those she'd lost. Their faces smiled out at her. Her mother, who always supported her, encouraging her despite the fact Merida had such poor eye sight. Then there was her father, his warm eyes laughing. After losing her mother, he was never the same.

"You shouldn't have left," she whispered to his image . . .

She wondered what they would say if they knew what she was doing, what she had become. There were so many times she wished she could tell them, go to her mom for encouragement, hear her dad making his usual witty humor about the current state of affairs. She could almost imagine what he would say about Udina and the council. And though he left the way he did, she missed him.

Then there was her team from the _Argo_ – the ship she had served on before the _Impalas_. In her mind she repeated all of their names and ranks. Her eyes lingered over each one as memories replayed in her mind. Nights of laughter, days of banter. They were family, her first since Mindoir.

She didn't like thinking about them often though. Yet with everything that had been happening – becoming a commander of a new squad, losing a member on their first mission, becoming a spectre –she knew that they would mock her with good humor, and to top it off, her current mission. Then there was the recent maw attack. It had brought it all back when Merida thought she had pushed it behind her.

Now there was the _Normandy_ crew. They were becoming family. She had to admit at first she wasn't sure if she was ready, but considering the amount of support from most of the crew, and her ground squad themselves, they'd made her feel like she belonged. With the exception of a few, she loved spending her time conversing with her crew, some more than others.

Putting the pictures in place, Merida considered visiting the cockpit.

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Joker smiled as the welcoming scent that was Shepard entered his breathing space. "What can I do for you, Commander?" he asked her, not even bothering to look.

"You know you don't have to call me that. Shepard is just fine," she informed him, a small chuckle in her voice.

"Alright then, Shepard. So what can I do for you?"

Shepard sat beside him in what Joker started to think was becoming her favorite seat in the entire ship. "Not much," she told him, but the way she said it, the way she glanced at him told him she was lying.

"Ah, yeah, sure," Joker teased. "Since when have you ever come up here for no reason?"

Then she blushed, though it faded quickly. But he'd seen it, and he would be damned if it didn't look good on her.

"Ok, so I was bored. We still have a few hours before we reach Noveria."

Joker laughed. "Well, we could compare stories. Play a game of 20 questions?"

"Oh, you're on, pilot man."

Joker laughed. "Pilot man. I've never heard that one before."

"What can I say? I'm one of a kind."

Joker chuckled. "You sure are . . ." he murmured.

When Merida didn't comment he realised she hadn't heard him. Maybe that was a good thing . . .

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Merida had returned to her room to get into her armor, yet she found herself grinning rather than getting ready. She had spent the last few hours with Joker, laughing and playing games. There wasn't much to do from the cockpit, but they managed.

After the first round of 20 questions, Merida launched them into another, then another, and another. It became evident that both of them were tied. They were laughing quietly, but when they started bringing up crew members the dam broke. She was sure the crew could hear them, but she didn't care.

When they couldn't focus on the game anymore they started joking, talking about the differences in her new crew. Not in a bad way though. They were high with laughter by then. And through it all Joker still kept hold on the ships systems.

They did settle down, the laughter dying but the smiles didn't. She asked questions about Joker's childhood, where he came from. He answered and asked her questions in kind. It wasn't until she'd arrived in her cabin that she realised she had never been so open about Mindoir before. And it hadn't upset her. In fact, she'd enjoyed it. Joker really could make her smile despite everything.

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Noveria. Merida was wondering if the geth were the real problem here. Since they'd arrived she'd had to deal with dreaded bureaucrats – most of whom were full of themselves; geth, which were to be expected of course; and rachni – a species which according to Wrex should be extinct.

She had brought him, Garrus and Liara on top of bringing Ashley. She wanted to see if the young soldier proved to have learned from her lecture in regards to her xenophobic behavior. Of course it became hard to judge when other issues presented themselves at every corner.

After a few grueling hours they'd finally gotten the power and tram up and running. Now they were filing onto the tram that would lead them through Peak 15 to the labs. Merida took a seat, wincing in pain. They would have finished sooner, but there were more and more rachni every place they went. "Liara, do you have spare medi-gel?"

Liara nodded and moved over to help apply the medi-gel, the others doing the same with each other. "Shepard this looks a little deep. We should see if there are any doctors who can look at this when we arrive," the asari told her.

"I don't need to. I'll be fine until we get back to the ship." Merida observed the asari doctor. When the group first arrived they had learned that Benezia was actually here in the labs of Peak 15. As Liara had said before, she hadn't seen her mother in years, but it still caused Merida concern. "Are you sure you want to do this? If we have to face your mother. . ."

"I am fine, Commander, do not worry about me," the young asari assured her.

Merida frowned. Like Tali, Liara seemed innocent; unsure and nervous in regards to the way things were. Of course she understood Liara was smart in the head. It didn't mean she was smart in the heart.

Obviously wanting to change the subject Liara looked at the gunnery chief. "Chief Williams, I was wondering: would you be related to General Kobane Williams? I decided to read up on humans, and about the first contact war. I came across this name, and I saw a resemblance from his photos . . ." Her voice drifted as she saw the sour look the gunnery chief was giving her. "Oh, I see. Right . . . It must be a sore subject."

"Yes, it must be," Williams bit out sarcastically before turning her attention elsewhere.

Merida had heard about General Kobane Williams, and she wondered if it was his situation and the consequences of his actions that had led to Ashley's views on aliens.

Seeming to sense her looking, Ashley turned to her. "Is there anything I can do for you, Commander?" her voice had an edge to it, telling Merida she wasn't too happy with the way things were going on.

"Not at the moment." Merida considered her. She knew it would be wise to learn more about the situation between Ashley and the general, but one thing was clear: it still didn't excuse her attitude towards aliens. That was something that separated Merida from her father – their views after Mindoir.

"I'm sorry," Liara said quietly.

Ashley didn't respond. It became evident that she felt the matter was over and dealt with. At least for a while that is until the silence was broken by Wrex.

His booming voice was almost laughing. "Sounds like we all have family issues. Liara's mother is working with a traitor; Williams is related to the first human to surrender to turians . . ." Ashley glared at him for a moment, but he went on. "And my dad tried to kill me when I suggested the Urdnot clan change."

Garrus spoke up next, joining in. "My father discouraged me from joining the program that would have led me to be a spectre. He wanted me to stay C-sec, like himself. He may disown me when he finds out that I quit."

All but Ashley looked at Merida, and she hesitated at first. "My parents are dead," she said simply, lying.

"I'm sorry," Liara told her. "We didn't know."

"It's alright," she replied, although there was something in her voice. "They died a long time ago."

Silence claimed the tram as the team recuperated as best as they could. Merida looked at her omnitool. While she and her team were in the main building before leaving for Peak 15, she had found a transmission that concerned her. Ex-Alliance scientists were being killed. She took this opportunity to send it to Anderson, since there were signs that it would never make it to the Alliance any other way.

Then she noticed Wrex was becoming restless. He kept getting up, going to the window, sitting back down, and checking his shotgun or 'boom stick' as he called it, chuckling. Slowly he started to pace and complain about lack of action, cursing the rachni for somehow surviving, but then in the next breath praising that he had a decent enemy to slaughter.

Garrus remained calm and cool. He had taken out his sniper rifle and started adjusting things here and there. Among the chaos before the tram, he'd found an upgrade which he was now adding to his gun, murmuring something about calibrating it.

Liara seemed to be calm, but Merida knew better. The doctor was a nervous wreck, her hands clamped together in front of her. Her lips were moving, with random shakes of her head. Merida could only assume she was practicing what to say to her mother.

It hit her how Liara's situation could easily become her own. There were many times she had wondered what would she say, or even do, if she ever saw her father again. She had changed much in the years since she had seen him last. Merida looked down. She didn't know if she felt empathy for Liara's situation, or a strange kind of jealously.

Ashley remained silent, her face was hard and cold. As much as Merida found herself at odds with her, she didn't like this. Before the subject of family had come up Ashley was full of swears, insults and comments that most would find unruly.

When the silence became too much again Merida had to ask. "Wrex. You mentioned the rachni were wiped out by the krogan. Do you have any idea how they could be here? Can rachni live that long?"

"No they can't. And even if they somehow could, the krogan back in the war made sure that not even an egg had survived."

Liara gasped in horror.

"Hey, had the eggs not been killed, we would still be swimming in rachni hordes even now."

Garrus raised a brow. "I don't know how I can tell you this, Wrex, but we were just swimming in a rachni horde."

Wrex was silent for a moment before he started laughing, followed by Garrus himself, then Merida. Even Ashley started to chuckle at that statement.

As they eventually arrived at the station Wrex was the first one up and ready to leave.

Cringing in pain as she got up from her seat, Merida knew Liara was right concerning her injury. But she refused to be seen as weak again. "Alright, time to see what's really going on."

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Joker tapped his fingers. It had been hours since Shepard had communicated with the ship. The ground squad would be heading to Peak 15 through a snow storm. She hadn't been sure if they would be able to contact the ship again until they got back. He didn't say anything, but he didn't like it.

"You're worried about the Commander, aren't you?" Kaidan inquired from the co-pilot's seat.

"What makes you say that?" Joker stilled his fingers. "I'm just wondering what's taking so long."

"Joker, I'm no fool. You're practically on the edge of your seat. Every time there's the slightest blip, you're checking to see if it's her calling in."

"Ok, so I don't want to get a new commander. She knows the ship, she knows the mission. Do you really want to have a new commander who has to learn the ropes again?" Joker asked, going on the defence.

Joker saw Kaidan hold up his hands in surrender. "Ok, just asking. It seems like you're more concerned about the Commander herself."

"Kaidan, she's a good person, and she's a great soldier. It would be a huge loss if something happened to her. You know that," Joker glanced at him. "Besides I'm sure that she, _they_, will be fine. With Wrex, Garrus and Ashley fighting alongside her . . ."

"Don't forget the doctor."

Joker rolled his eyes. "Yeah, the doctor. She's just that, a doctor, a scientist. How much fighting has she actually done?" he sighed. "Like I said, with the other three having Shepard's back. What can go wrong?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

Merida hadn't known what to expect when they'd entered the labs. Rachni had become an obvious threat, but she hadn't anticipated the guards lying about where Benezia was, and then turning on the group, or that one of the scientists, an asari, was a mole who worked for the Matriarch. Merida and her group dealt with them in turn, her burning injury making it hard to maneuver and earning her more injuries. They even had to resort to committing to what she felt was genocide against the rachni.

That was before they found themselves here, with Matriarch Benezia standing on the top of the platform in front of a large glass container, her back to the group.

"You do not know the privilege of being a mother. There is power to creation. To shape a life. Turn it toward happiness or despair." Her voice was rich and regal.

Merida watched her put a hand on the glass container. Merida couldn't see what was in it.

"Her children were to be ours. Raised to hunt and slay Saren's enemies."

Behind Merida she heard Liara gasp, and her heart went to her. Liara had been so sure her mother was not truly with Saren, all the way up to this moment.

The matriarch turned and approached them. "I won't be swayed by sympathy." Her eyes focused on to Merida. "No matter _who_ you bring into this confrontation."

Merida frowned. "It was Liara's choice to be here." It was true; she could have had Tali as the last member, but Liara asked, in case her mother was here. It had been a request she had made on their first meeting.

"Indeed? And what, pray tell, have you told them about me, Liara?"

Liara walked past Merida. "Mother, what would you have me say? That you're evil, that you are a monster? That you must die? How to kill you?" Merida could see her trembling. "You're my mother, yet I no longer know you."

Benezia waved her hand, as if dismissing Liara's words, or was it of the young asari herself. Turning to Merida she questioned her. "Have you ever faced a squad of asari commandos before? Few humans have, and even fewer survived."

Merida looked from mother, to daughter, and back. "You, you would sentence your own daughter to death?!"

"I now realise I should have been stricter with her," the woman stated, not even fazed with what Merida had said.

It hit her how cold the matriarch sounded. Not even Tevos of the council was ever this cold. Before anyone could say anything, Merida was frozen in stasis. She saw from the corner of her eye Liara was the same, and from the lack of movement she knew the others were also frozen. Then there was a new sound. Merida had a feeling she knew what it was. The stasis broke just in time for her to see she was right. Asari commandos. Even before the fight, her injury roared in protest.

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The last geth fell. They had joined the fight once the commandoes had been dispatched, further enforcing that Benezia was working with Saren. They moved in closer to Benezia. Everyone but Liara and Merida, who was holding her side, had their guns out trained on her.

"This is not over. Saren is unstoppable." The matriarch was facing the glass case again. Her voiced changed, almost wistful as she spoke. "My mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear . . ."

"Mother . . ."

Benezia straightened up, turning to the group, eyes glaring. "I will not betray him. You will . . . you . . ." Her stance faltered, her hand went out to the glass case only briefly.

"Mother?" Liara went to go to her aid, but Garrus stopped her.

The older asari looked at the group, stepping away from the glass case, one Merida could still not see into. "You must listen . . . Saren . . . he still whispers in my mind. I can fight his . . . compulsions . . . for now. But . . . but the indoctrination is strong . . ."

"Indoctrination?" Merida frowned. "You mean, like brain washing?"

Benezia nodded. "People . . . they are not themselves around Saren." She seemed be struggling to keep her own mind as she spoke. "You come to idolize him. Worship him. Do anything for him. The key is _Sovereign_. Saren's flagship. It is a dreadnought of incredible size and extraordinary power."

Merida shivered. She remembered the ship she had seen on Eden Prime. She had found it imposing then, and that was just from looking at it. If it did what Benezia said it did, then . . . "What do you mean?"

"Thoughts . . . echo . . . strangely within _Sovereign_." Benezia trembled. "The longer you stay aboard . . . the more Saren's will seems to be correct." Her eyes drifted, her voice taking on a wistful tone, as if she was reminiscing. "You sit at his feet and smile as his words _pour_ into you."

"Mother, you're so much stronger than this," Liara lamented.

The matriarch came back. "I know my child, but it is subtle at first. I had thought myself strong enough to resist. I wanted to lead him down the right path. But instead, I became his tool. I was eager to serve."

Merida frowned. "Why did you come here?"

"To find the Mu Relay. Its location was lost thousands of years ago. I found the coordinates, from the rachni queen."

Wrex roared behind her. "Rachni _queen_!?"

Benezia nodded and stepped aside. Merida could see what was in the case now. A giant rachni, unlike any she had ever seen as of yet. "Two thousand years ago, the rachni inhabited that region of the galaxy-"

"Until my people wiped them out," Wrex rumbled.

The asari nodded. "They discovered the relay. They share memories across the generations, queen from queen. The knowledge is inherited from mothers." She looked down, ashamed. "I took the location of the relay . . . I was not gentle . . ."

Merida frowned. This didn't make sense. "Why does Saren need the relay?"

"To find the conduit. He shared no more than that with me."

Liara went forward, leaving Garrus. "Mother, you can still make this right. Share the information with us. We can stop him. Together."

The matriarch opened up her omnitool. "Here . . . I have already sent the location to Saren . . . now you . . . must stop me . . ."

"Mother, fight him. We, we can do this together!" Liara was moving closer to her mother, crying.

Benezia held her arms back. "You've always made me proud, Liara." Her head went down, her forehead touching Liara's, though it was only for a moment. Benezia started glowing, her head snapping up, anger and hatred in her face. Her hands gripped her daughter's arms until Liara cried out in pain. "Die!"

Merida didn't have to say anything. Wrex used his biotics to separate the two, and Garrus went to hold onto Liara again as the fight was reinstated.

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The pain in her side was making Merida feel nauseated. Still though, she watched, heart aching in her chest. Benezia lay dead in the arms of her daughter. The woman had, in her last moments, reclaimed herself. Liara insisted they would get help for her, but Merida knew it would be useless, just as the matriarch did. She would still fall to the call of Saren and _Sovereign_. At least the mother and daughter were able to speak to each other before Benezia spoke woeful words that were hard to hear before she passed.

Now the only sound in the room was that of Liara wailing, tears flowing down her blue cheeks. Merida didn't see her though; the cries she heard weren't Liara's. Merida saw her, but yet she didn't. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. She wanted to block out the sound of her cries, but she couldn't. It was after Liara quieted did she finally speak.

"Garrus, could you please carry the matriarch back to the tram with Liara." She turned to look at the turian. Big mistake, the nausea increased, but she swallowed it down.

"Alright, Shepard." Garrus went to the pair of asari and gently lifted the elder. Once she was in his arms, he led Liara out.

Once they were alone again, Merida walked to the case with the rachni inside. It moved, squirming to look at her. "Can, can you hear me?"

"Yes."

Merida whipped around to see one of the asari commandos that they had been fighting, standing there, moving to the glass case.

"We can hear you. This one serves as our voice, for we cannot sing here. Your musics are colorless." The voice sounded warbled, like it was under water.

"Is . . . the asari alive? I thought she had died with the others," Merida asked, concentrating on staying conscious now.

"Shepard! Why are you talking with it? Kill the rachni!"

The asari looked at Wrex. "Krogan, we remember the war of our races. But you have no need to fear me."

Wrex rumbled and turned away.

Merida frowned, confused. "Wait, you remember? Were you in the war?"

"No. We were in an egg. Not yet born. We are the mother. We sing for those left behind. The children you thought silenced."

"How are you speaking through the asari?"

"Our kind sings through touching of thought. We pluck strings. This one is weak to urging, but she is ending."

Wrex rumbled, almost snarling. "But what about the other rachni?"

"Lost to the silence when they were stolen from us, before they could learn to sing." The voice became sad. "End their suffering. They cannot be saved. They will only cause harm."

Merida sighed. "I will." She swallowed hard, the pain starting to become unbearable. "I already have. I'm sorry."

"We understand. These men stole our eggs, wanted, tried, to use our children as weapons of war." The asari/rachni looked to her. "What would become of us? Would you kill us as you did our children? Or set us free?"

Wrex pointed to tanks that were connected. "These are filled with acid. One push and it would be released, killing the creature."

Ashley spoke up. "For the first time I agree."

Merdia shook her head. "No, I'm not going to commit more murder on a species that wasn't given a choice." She looked at the queen. "If I set you free, what will you do?"

"Find a new home. We will start again, but be at peace." That was enough for Merida.

"I'll free you," she told the queen, releasing her. Both Wrex and Ashley kept quiet, but she sensed their displeasure. Once she was sure the rachni was gone, all effort to keep herself up slipped away into darkness.

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Merida moaned as she woke, her body pulsing, but the pain wasn't there. One look around told her she was in _Normandy's_ med bay. Sitting up she alerted Chakwas to her awakened state.

"Good to see you're up," the doctor told her. "I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did before passing out." Merida didn't look at her. "I'm guessing from your silence you were aware how badly you were hurt?"

Merida nodded. "There was no time to have it looked at," she half lied.

"Well, you'll end up with a scar – a nasty one. If you'd had it treated sooner it wouldn't be that bad." After a moment the doctor added. "Your other injuries won't scar as much, if at all."

Merida nodded. This was not the first time she had a scar from lack of treatment. "Where is Benezia's body?"

"Already dealt with and prepared for transport. You'll have to ask Kaidan about the details, the same goes for the others from Peak 15."

Merida blanched, she had forgotten about them. "And where is Liara?" The doctor didn't say anything, just looked toward the room in the back where Liara had been staying. "I'll talk to her after I speak to Kaidan."

"Best you do. Poor thing, losing her mother like that."

Gently and carefully, Merida got off the bed and nodding to the doctor, she slowly walked out of the med bay.

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Liara was curled up in the corner, crying when Merida joined her. The asari wasn't making sound, but the tears were flowing. Not saying a word, Merida sat beside her, pulling her into her arms. This simple action made the young doctor burst out. She wasn't wailing as she had before, but she wasn't holding back.

"I'm so sorry, Liara. I'm so sorry you had to lose your mother like that," Merida spoke softly.

"I should have saved her; been stronger for her. Helped her fight Saren's hold," Liara sobbed. "It's my fault, I know it is. Maybe, maybe if I went with Saren's men on Therum, then maybe I could have prevented this."

"Liara, don't think that. You would have ended up like your mother – another tool, or worse." Merida wanted to comfort Liara, but she knew too well the feeling of guilt, and the countless 'what ifs'. After a while she spoke again. "I saw my own mother die," she confessed. Unlike with Joker, Merida didn't really want to talk about Mindoir, but she felt she had to.

"You, you had said your parents had died . . ." Liara sat up a bit, wiping her cheeks.

Merida nodded, keeping one arm still around Liara. "I was 16 when we were attacked by slavers. I had been out, so when the attacked happened, I ran home. But I had to hide . . . They'd dragged my mother out and were trying to get her into some sort of cage transport. But she refused . . . She fought, so they killed her." Merida sighed with a shuttering breath. "My dad died at that same moment. But I didn't know that until later." She blinked, realising _she_ was crying now.

"I'm sorry, Shepard. Here I am, crying about my mother, when you lost both of your parents."

"Liara, don't ever be sorry. Take comfort in knowing that you got to say good bye to your mother, you had the chance to hold her as she died."

Liara nodded as she wiped her eyes. "Thank you Shepard."

Merida hugged her. "You're welcome." She wiped the tears from her own eyes. "Kaidan told me an asari transport is being sent by Councillor Tevos to pick up your mother's body. Would you like me there when you say goodbye to her?"

Liara nodded. The pair sat in silence, both reminiscing silently about happier times with their mothers. Eventually the transport arrived.

"_Commander, we have a request from an asari ship to dock?_" Joker came over the comm.

Merida noted his voice sounded hoarse, as if he'd done a lot of yelling, and at the same time it sounded like there was something else behind his tone, though she wasn't sure what. As she promised, she went with Liara to the docking bay where the casket that held Benezia rested.

The asari that came aboard were kind and gentle. They expressed their condolences to Liara, each of them having heard stories about her mother from long before Saren's influence had tainted her.

Liara went to the casket, her tears falling anew as she bent and kissed where the head would be. "Good bye mother. May you find the light you sought with the Goddess." With that, they were gone.

After a few moments Liara went back to the medbay. Merida stayed a few moments longer, her heart starting to feel like it was going to consume her from the inside. Swallowing, she wiped her face again and left the dock. She couldn't be alone. Not right now. She needed to be with someone, and she knew it couldn't be just anyone. She needed her pilot.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:**

Merida woke with a grunt. Her omnitool was beeping. She had a call coming in; a personal call – something she almost never got, save from the selected few. Sitting up in bed she grabbed it, answering the call. "Yes?" she answered, trying to hide how tired she was. She had spent a few hours talking with Joker before suggesting they head to Feros. Then she'd wrote her report for the council, before deciding to try and sleep, though it was held back by cries of despair that echoed through time.

The voice that answered her was not how she expected it to be. "_Shepard, I hope I'm not catching you in the midst of something?_"

Hearing Anderson sounding weary instantly woke Merida. "No, no you didn't. Is everything alright?" She could tell from his voice, this was not a professional call.

"_I received some news, and I wanted to talk to someone about it,_" he told her. His voice was shaky, and sounded off.

Merida leaned against the head board of the bed, and did something she almost never did. "David, what's wrong, what happened? Why are you calling me? Why not Kahlee Sanders?" she asked, remembering the woman had a history with Anderson. She had met the woman once, during one of the shore leaves she had where she stayed at Anderson's apartment on the Citadel.

"_No, I can't. She wouldn't understand, but I knew you would._" She heard him let out a long breath. "_Do you remember a Lieutenant Zabaleta?_"

Merida had to think for a moment. Rubbing her eyes, she nodded, briefly forgetting he couldn't see her. "He was one of the first to arrive at Mindoir with you, right?" she asked. She didn't know much about the man, but from what she could remember, she got the impression he and Anderson were friends.

"_That's right. I knew seeing what happened to the colony changed him. He ended up drinking and was dishonorably discharged,_" Anderson explained. "_I hadn't seen him for years, though I had tried to get him help._" There was a long pause. "_He was found dead last night. His body shut down after drinking so much._"

Merida didn't know what to say. She knew now why Anderson wanted to talk to her about this. Kahlee taught at Grissom Academy, so she wouldn't understand the horrors of what happened on Mindoir. Merida did. It was among the things that still haunted her dreams when she least expected it to.

"David, I'm so sorry," she told him. "Is there going to be a service? Should I come?"

She could picture him shaking his head as he answered. "_No. He didn't have any money left. It turned out he had been begging for credits so he could drink, while living homeless in the lowest part of the wards._" Again a moment of silence. "_He didn't have any family, and being discharged, the Alliance wouldn't pay for a funeral. His body was dealt with the same way all the homeless are._" He cursed. "_I should have helped him sooner._"

"I'm sorry . . ."

"_Don't be, Shepard. But thank you for listening._"

With that he cut the communication, leaving Merida wide awake, with hours to go before she would arrive at the next planet. Or at least, that's what she thought.

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Merida looked at the husk-like beings that sat behind the force field. She would have loved to have traveled onward to Feros, but Admiral Kahoku had contacted her. Since he had been informed of the fate of his marines he had decided to find out himself what had happened.

Cerberus happened it seemed. The organization had planted the beacon that had led the group to its death. The situation planted seeds of suspicion. Was that what happened on Akuze? She didn't get the chance to find out. The admiral sent her the locations of the three labs he'd found.

In the first two, Merida found rachni. She felt sick as she realised what was going on. On the way to the first lab, she had done her research, finding out exactly what the organization was: a group that was fully based on being anti-alien – doing what they thought was the best for humanity. But from what she was seeing, they were anything but humane.

The last lab, the one she stood in now, held not only strange husks. She didn't want to know what was done to the people that made them that way. They'd also found the admiral himself . . . Dead. "Kaidan, go back to the ship and retrieve the doctor. We need to know what killed the admiral before we can take him back to the ship for pick up."

"Aye, aye, Ma'am." Kaidan rushed out leaving Merida alone with Garrus, Wrex, Ashley and Tali. After what happened with Benezia, Merida didn't think it would be wise to bring Liara along for a while.

To the rest of the group she nodded. "Be ready, I'm about to take down the shield." She started hacking into the terminal once guns were in place. Within moments the shields came down. "Ok, take them out," she ordered, shooting the husks too.

They were strange, green, and almost plant-like. They resembled the geth-made husks only in shape and form. Otherwise that was it. For the longest time it seemed nothing would take them down, until they started falling apart from the amount of gunshots they were taking, Becoming a pile of green mush.

It was at that moment Kaidan arrived. Chakwas went over to Kahoku, using her omnitool to scan over his body. Merida was glad that Joker had been able to keep the _Normandy_ close to the lab site.

Merida walked toward Chakwas. "Doctor, can you find out what killed him?"

"It's alright, Commander. He didn't die of anything that would do us harm. We may take him aboard the ship. I've already had Joker call for him to be picked up."

Merida nodded. "Thank you. Oh, and doctor, could you collect a sample of that stuff?" She pointed to a pile of green mush. "It was something Cerberus had here, and I want to know what."

The doctor nodded and started to collect the samples. Once that was done, and Kahoku was in a body bag, the group returned to the ship. They were heading to Feros again, but not before taking care of one last stop. On him, Kahoku had one more location, one last Cerberus lab.

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From the moment Merida arrived at Zhu's Hope she had a bad feeling. It wasn't the geth that were attacking, or the fact that this was another colony she was seeing being butchered; it was the people – they way they talked, and looked at her. Yes, some were 'normal' to a certain extent, but most just told her to speak to Fai Dan, their leader.

When she did that, things didn't go any better. The head of security, who was introduced as Arcelia Silva Martinez, was angry with her, for bringing so few people and being late. Fai Dan, however, seemed to be fine – like the geth attacking was a simple nuisance. Of course more geth attacked, so Merida and her team had to put them down. After, Fai Dan and Arcelia finally provided some sort of direction: the tower.

Merida sighed. She noticed there were issues with the water and power. "Liara, Tali. I want you both to stay and help these people. Garrus, you too. I'll need you to stay in case there's another geth attack. Also, I want you to do your investigative thing and find out what the hell is going on." She had noticed a shift in the way the people were acting. It creeped her out.

With that she left, taking Kaidan, Ashley and Wrex with her. She wanted to know what was going on in the colony, but knew the tower took priority.

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Joker glanced at the monitor. Garrus had contacted him; the turian was trying to get in contact with Shepard. With Liara and Tali, Garrus was able to solve several problems in the colony, but there was something else. Joker noticed by the way Garrus spoke – something was making the turian nervous.

That was half an hour ago. After shutting off communications with Garrus, Joker tried Shepard himself, but he wasn't able to get through. He kept trying every ten minutes. It was driving him crazy he couldn't get in contact with her.

Suddenly Garrus was contacting him. "_Joker, open the door!_" He was running.

From the sound of multiple feet running, Joker could only assume Tali and Liara was with him. Joker opened the doors, turning to see them board. "What the hell Garrus!?" He had the door shut again seconds before the pounding started. "Holy Shit! What's going on?"

"It's the colonists," Liara told him, out of breath and barely able to talk. "They've been acting strangely, but then suddenly went crazy."

"Damn." He turned to the monitor, his heart hammering. He had to get a hold of Shepard. If she returned to the colony . . . "Come on, answer . . . answer . . ." He tried to shut out the sound of the banging on the side of the ship; he had to focus on contacting her.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he heard her voice. He'd gotten through. "Shepard, thank god. You have to get back. The colonists are crazy."

"_Joker, what is that banging?_"

"It's the colonists, they're trying to get on the ship."

"_What about Garrus, Liara and Tali?!_"

"They're on board, don't worry," Joker told her, wanting to laugh. He was telling her not to worry when _he_ was the one scared out of his mind over what could happen to her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Merida sighed in relief. At least the crew she had left at Zhu's Hope were safe. Now it was just a matter of getting back and dealing with the thorian. Lizbeth Baynham, a scientist they had found at the tower, had confessed everything about what was really going on. Which, when thinking about it, made the actions of the colonists make much more sense. Heading back, Merida and her squad dropped Lizbeth off with her mother, and convinced a representative of the company that ran the tower that it would be wiser to look good by helping the colonists.

Before continuing on, mother and daughter gave her a choice, they had gas grenades that would knock the colonists out. No lives would be wasted. It was an option Merida knew she had to take. The colonists were victims of the company. A company she wanted to tear down, but the colonists would need it.

Racing back, Merida had each of the team members equip the gas grenades. It was just a matter of being careful now. Arriving back at the doors that would lead to the colony, she finally found the answer to where the plant-like husks came from. A few were crouched down in front of the door, only rising to attack as the group approached.

Wrex roared and rushed at them, Ashley right behind, both of them using shotguns. Kaidan used his biotics while Merida pulled out her pistol and tried to aim for their heads. Once those ones were down, they went onto the colony, sending out grenades where needed, shooting the plant husks after.

Once the colony was cleared, there was only one last man standing. Fai Dan. When he first came out from where he must have been hiding, all guns turned on him. He held a pistol, and the way he trembled, it reminded Merida of Benezia when she was fighting Saren's control.

At least he knew his own mind, for the most part. He spoke of how 'it' wanted them gone. She could only assume 'it' was the thorian. But Fai Dan wouldn't let it. With the last of his effort, he took the pistol, putting it to his own head, and before anyone could stop him, he fired the pistol. It was like a crimson flower blossoming and then melting seconds later.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Merida flopped down beside Joker, tossing back painkillers and a large glass of water. "Word of advice, never, NEVER, buy an alien plant. In case they cause mind control, or spawn zombie plant babies." She shivered, thinking of the husk things which she learned came from the thorian. Thorian creepers – that's the only thing she thought was appropriate to call them. "Oh, and they also clone asari commandos."

"Wait, those colonists, they were like that because of a plant?!" Joker screeched.

"Yep," Merida told him, amused at his reaction.

"It's not funny. They could have damaged the ship._ My_ ship."

Merida chuckled, ignoring the glare she was getting from Joker now. "It was sending out spores, but according to Chakwas, none of us were affected." She relaxed. "That, and we killed it. The thorian here was the last of its kind. So no more zombie plant babies, and no more crazy spore colonists."

"Thank God. The world is safe once again." Joker gave in and laughed. "So, zombie plant babies?"

"It doesn't sound as scary as thorian creeper, or plant husk thing."

Joker paused, his mouth moving as he repeated the words. "Yeah, that's much better." He shivered as he must have pictured what the things must have looked like. "So, where to now Shepard?"

"Well, I would say just anywhere until we get another lead on Saren, but, I got a message. We need to make a few stops. Starting with dealing with a rogue VI on Luna."

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It took several days before all of the small missions were finished and dealt with. Joker was both pleased and annoyed. He hated having to zig zag everywhere do to the missions. But he loved the fact that it meant that he could prove himself to Shepard.

She told him once already that she didn't need him to prove himself. When she'd told him that, he couldn't help but feel something in his chest. He smiled as he thought of the way she made sure he understood what she had told him.

Joker's thoughts were broken when a call came in. "Shepard, you have a call from Anderson," he told her over the comm. He knew she was looking at the galaxy map. She had been there since the last mission. After Luna, she'd told him she hoped to find a sign of Saren. As of yet she had not found one.

"_Put it through._" Joker did.

"_Shepard, I'm glad I got you. I looked into that message you sent me about the scientists. Only one is left though. I'm sending through his coordinates."_

"_Thank you . . . Sir, this is quite far from our location. Are you sure there isn't anyone closer?_"

"_You'll want to take care of this, Shepard. I found something out about these scientists._"

Joker frowned. Listening in he wondered what information about the scientists could possibly cause Shepard to take this mission. Unlike the others, they were far from being able to get to it as easily.

"_I know they're ex-Alliance._"

"_Shepard. I looked into their records for any indication as to why they were targeted beyond them being Alliance._" There was a long hesitation. Joker didn't like that wait. He wanted Anderson to finish. But when the man did, the pilot realised he knew where they were going next. "_What I discovered . . . There's one thing that connects them all. A project they all worked on. Akuze._"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine:**

Merida swallowed as her stomach clenched. Anderson had found out something about the scientists that were being killed off. And only one was left.

"_Shepard. I looked into their records for any indication as to why they were targeted beyond them being Alliance._" She felt her heart start to pound. Her stomach dropping. "_What I discovered . . . There's one thing that connects them all. A project they all worked on. Akuze._"

She closed her eyes, her hands clenched the rail. "Joker, set course for the coordinates. I'll, I'll be in my cabin."

"_Don't need to tell me twice,_" Joker's voice accompanied her as she walked.

The trip to her cabin felt more like a long march than anything. Akuze . . . What would a group of scientists have to do with Akuze?

Once in her quarters she sat on the bed, almost collapsing completely. She felt like she was going to have a meltdown, and if she did, she would not have her crew witness it. She was the survivor of Akuze, the strongest and bravest in her squad. That's what they all believed; that's what she wanted to believe of herself.

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Merida signaled to her squad. She had brought the whole group, not sure what they would be facing. She took the front as they made their way through to where the last scientist was held up. The mercenaries they overcame were unlike any she had ever seen. They were trained, almost military style. She couldn't help but wonder why, but when they made it to the last room, she found out. The man who had his pistol on the scientist was clearly Alliance – evident from the way he held himself.

"Step away! I'll blow his brains out!" The man demanded, his voice warped by the helmet he wore. Merida could see that he was unstable. "Don't think I won't do it!"

"Easy soldier. We can talk about this." Merida glanced at the scientist. "I'm sure you have your reasons for what you're doing, but this isn't the way." She tried to look at the soldier through his visor.

The soldier turned to her, like his head was slapped that way. "Shepard?" His voice was quiet, taking on a different tone. Lost, confused. He used one hand to remove his helmet.

"Toombs . . . ?" Merida lowered her gun and removed her own helmet, signalling her squad to leave the room. This was getting personal. "But . . . you were dead. I . . . I saw your body. You were there in the reports from the coroner." He looked horrible, years older than he should be, and Toombs was younger then her.

"Lies," he sneered. "The coroner discovered me alive." He pressed the gun to the scientist's head. "Decided to change the paperwork. Then handed me over to THEM!"

"Toombs . . ."

"They caused Akuze; them and their Cerberus organization!" His finger twitched on the trigger. "And do you want to know what they did to me?! Experimented on me, that's what!"

"Oh my god. Toombs, I'm so sorry . . ." Merida looked to the scientist, then back to him. "But, this isn't the way. Killing him, without a trial. . . That's not how the Alliance does things. Not how _we_ do things. You know that. We strive for what's right. For justice."

Toombs looked at the scientist. "Justice . . . yes it needs to be done. For you . . . me . . . and the rest." He looked at her. "You'll make sure he gets justice?"

"Yes Toombs, I will," she promised him, and held out a hand for him to hand over the pistol. He did, but not before knocking the scientist out with it.

"Shepard, I . . . I need help," Toombs rasped. It was clear to Merida that he was broken.

"I know. Don't worry. You'll get it. I'll make sure you get it." She called for the others to come and get the scientist. Merida walked Toombs out, her hands gently leading him, almost like a mother guiding a scared child.

"Shepard?"

"Yes, Toombs?"

"Can the screams stop now?"

Merida sighed. She didn't know what to say, she couldn't relate to him in that way. He must have terrible nightmares. She did, and hers were bad enough. If he didn't have nightmares, then he wasn't human.

As they left the building, he explained he'd escaped when someone hacked into the systems where he was held and he took that chance to leave. He'd then found some mercenaries, did a few jobs with them. But he wanted the scientists. Having fled after their facility was compromised, Toombs was unable to find them, so he went to the Shadow Broker after hearing about him from the mercs.

Hearing Toombs talk about all that happened, Merida wanted to cry. This wasn't him. Back when he was part of her squad, he was all about doing the right thing – he was like Jenkins. But here he was, broken, looking like the veterans that had been in the First Contact war.

Getting him back to the _Normandy_ was no small task. She didn't know what it was, but something freaked Toombs out. Her ground squad gave him a look of disbelief, but she ignored them because she understood. She managed to coax him onto the ship however, where Chakwas waited. Kaidan had called her. With the doctor's help, Merida got Toombs to the medbay, and into a drug induced sleep so he wouldn't have nightmares. This was the only thing she could do for him.

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Joker sighed, rubbing his eyes. Everyone had left the ship already after Shepard informed the crew they were getting a week-long shore leave. It was obvious that this was because of Toombs, and Shepard made the choice herself.

That left Chakwas, Toombs, Shepard, and himself. He wasn't sure why, until the commander and doctor escorted Toombs to the door just behind the cockpit where a couple of doctors waited to take Toombs for help.

Sam Toombs. When he heard the name he was confused at first, remembering it was the name of one of the men who died on Akuze. But nope, the man was alive. Messed up, but alive. He didn't know what had been done to the man, and he didn't _want_ to know.

After letting Toombs go, Shepard disappeared. Joker decided there was only one other place on the ship where'd she be able to find refuge, aside from the cockpit.

"You should go and talk to her. She needs someone to listen. And I have a feeling that person is you," Chakwas said before leaving the ship too.

So now Joker was gathering the courage to do so. Grabbing his crutches he made his choice. He made his way to Shepard's cabin and tried the door. It slid open, unlocked. Going in, Joker blushed as he saw Shepard was just in her sports bra.

But that wasn't what really took his attention. Her back was to him, something in her hand, but all he could focus on was the scar on her back. Not the scar on her right side from Noveria, but the large area on her left shoulder and upper back that went onto her arm and brushed her neck.

She turned. "Joker?" she said with surprise.

"Oh, ah. . . I thought, you know, you may want to talk?"

She relaxed, sighing. "Do you really think I should? What happened . . . I still hear the screams."

"Shepard, I think it would be better if you got it all out. Have you ever told anyone? Other than putting it in a report for the Alliance? I mean have you told anyone the full story? The full details?" Joker watched her.

"Even the horrible parts . . . ?" Joker nodded, and she sighed. "I think you're right." She looked at what she held as she sat on her bed.

Joker sat beside her, awkwardly, but he did it.

"Some of us went through training together. It was the best luck we ended up on the _Argo_ together." Shepard gave a dry laugh. "After a while we called ourselves the Argonauts. The eight of us."

Joker looked at the picture she held. He could see one man who must have been Toombs at one point in his life, and there, in the center was Shepard. Her face full of life and a certain amount of innocence.

"It was supposed to be a simple mission. But then there was the distress call. We got into the _Mako_ and traveled to the location." She took a shuddering breath. "That's when it all went wrong. We got out to see if we could find the people who sent the call. But all we got was the Maw. It came out so close. Walsh and Clarke . . ."

She pointed at the two in the picture as she spoke the names in turn. "They tried running back to the _Mako_. The maw came right down on them, impaling Walsh and the _Mako_, putting the vehicle out of commission. Clarke was between. The maw spat acid right at him; destroyed his head . . . He was officially identified by the tattoo on his inner arm . . ."

She went on. "The rest of us started shooting, but our guns were doing no damage, and ammo was running out. So we ran. There were hills, so we headed to them. Sully and Nolan were next. They were running behind . . . We only had to hear the screams to know they were dead before we turned to see they'd been hit." Shepard swallowed hard. Joker put a hand on her arm. "It had swung down and almost completely crushed them."

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment. "Quinn was next. The maw slashed at him. He collapsed, and started panicking. He kept screaming he was paralyzed, he couldn't feel his legs. . . He was cut straight through at the waist. That left, Toombs, Harrison and me."

Joker kept listening, not daring to say one word. Shepard needed to get this all out.

"Toombs, he started shooting at the maw, but it wasn't doing any damage still. He got angry, decided to try a grenade, so one out, he ran forward. When it went off there was smoke and dust. When that cleared, the maw was alive, and Toombs was lying there, motionless and bleeding everywhere. Harrison and I knew we had to get to the hills."

"Then . . ." Joker breathed.

"Then I was hit . . . in the back . . . The burning was one I had never felt before, and hope never to feel again. I collapsed, but Harrison got me up. My back was bleeding. I begged for him to let me die, kill me, leave me, anything. I knew I would never make it, and I was sure _he_ wouldn't if he stayed with me. But he didn't." She swallowed hard. "The maw was still after us, so Harrison had a plan . . . he left me, and went back, getting all of his grenades ready. Then waited. The maw came, plunged down on Harrison . . . then exploded, dying. There were only chunks of Harrison left."

Joker felt sick, and he wasn't even there to witness it.

"I wanted to die, but I had lost the only gun that had ammo left when I collapsed. I thought I would die, right there. But I didn't. When I woke, I learned I had been out for two weeks. And the funeral services had already been held for the others."

Joker looked at her. Her eyes were red, and tears were pouring down her face. "You can't let this define you," he told her.

"I don't want to be. I was weak, yet to all I'm a hero."

Joker shook his head. "No, I meant, you can't let this define you in the way it stops you from going past it. It haunts you. I get that. But it's not who you are. Look at you now. You're Commander Shepard. You didn't get this far because of Akuze. You didn't get the _Normandy _as your own because of Akuze."

"Joker." Shepard looked him in the eye. "I still hear them scream, I still smell my skin burning from the acid."

"Then take that, use that to help you fight better in the future. Remember what you told me? My condition doesn't define me, and neither do your eyes. Don't let this define you, either. You're strong. Hell, you survived getting hit in the back by acid. Who can say that? You out-ran a thresher maw!"

Shepard wiped her eyes, and gave him a small smile. "Yeah. I did. Maybe it's time I put them to rest." She looked at the picture. "Well, their fates. And I can do what I can to support Toombs now. Thank you Joker. It means the world to me that you're here to listen."

Joker looked at her. He knew there was not much he could say. "You're welcome," came his gentle reply as he put his arms around her, hugging her as best as he could. Ever since he had heard about Akuze, Joker respected Shepard. He thought of her as this brave warrior; no one could match her. Then she became his commander. She was everything he expected and more. She was funny, kind, gentle, and brave. A proper soldier. But he also saw she was fragile, sensitive, and most importantly, Shepard was human. That made him willing to be there for her, to be her pilot and fly her anywhere she asked him. Hell, he would do anything for her. Through heaven or hell he would follow her if she asked him to.


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's Note__: Wow, another five chapters. I'm still amazed at how many followers and review comments. Now I just want to say, if anyone has questions they want to ask me, apart from anything that would lead to spoilers, feel free._

**Chapter Ten:**

It was a few hours before Merida and Joker left the Normandy. "Joker, do you have a place to stay? During shore leave?"

Joker shook his head. "No, I was actually just wondering where I could find a decent hotel."

"Oh no you don't. You're not staying at a hotel. Anderson has an apartment I stay in whenever I'm on shore leave." Merida smirked. "I'll be staying there. And you will too."

Joker opened his mouth, turning red. "Shepard, is this appropriate?"

"There are at least two guest rooms. We each take one. It's only fair, isn't it?" Merida smiled at him. "Come on, the place is huge."

Joker shrugged. "Ok, if you say so," he laughed.

They went out and got a cab to the area of the Citadel where the apartment lay. It was loud, and full of bright lights – almost reminiscent of Las Vegas on Earth.

Watching Joker, Merida had to wonder, "Have you been to this part of the Citadel before?"

The pilot shook his head. "Nope, never had to, and never had enough money."

"Well, then I'll make sure you get a good look while we're here," Merida smiled, chuckling when she saw Joker's eyes widen as they arrived in the district.

Getting out of the cab, she headed straight up to the apartment, glancing behind her to make sure Joker wouldn't get lost. But being the pilot he is, he was able to maneuver around the crowds as easily as he could maneuver the ship.

The apartment when they arrived was as Merida remembered. Large, with a fireplace and piano in the main area. A full kitchen, conference room, office, billiard room.

"There are two rooms apart from the main bedroom. One upstairs and one down here. Take your pick." She laughed as Joker blinked at her – she had a feeling he was expecting to be placed down stairs so he wouldn't have to deal with the steps.

"Upstairs," he told her easily, smirking after only a moment.

"Good choice. The upstairs hosts a bathroom with a nice hot tub. Sure it's in the main bedroom, but it's free to use." She went and dropped her belongings off in the down stairs bedroom while Joker made his way upstairs. With that done, it then became a question of what to do first?

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Over the next week, each of the crew had their fair share of adventures.

Tali had started with joining Adams to look at new parts for the ship's engines. For him it was part of his job, but for Tali, it was a field day. If asked later, Adams would admit having Tali with him made the whole thing feel a lot less like a chore. Tali herself was like a child in a candy store with each store they went in. Once done, she went off to look at the other ships, making notes and comparing them to the _Normandy._ Being quarian, she did get hassled, but dropping the name Shepard seemed to stave off those who would give her a hard time.

Liara went to see the asari councillor. She wanted to thank the woman for the kind treatment of her mother's body, and to apologize on her mother's behalf. The rest of her time was spent in the archives researching more on the protheans, the reapers, and the geth. She even contacted Tali to ask questions about the geth. This caused the young quarian to feel obligated to pull Liara out of her research and have some fun.

Garrus went to see his father after a week of wondering if he should or not, who, as he predicted, didn't want to have anything to do with him. Even though the turian tried to reason with his elder – explaining what role he was playing in the goal to track down Saren, the traitor – his father, who had many awards and medals for his duty to c-sec, refused to listen. So with a heavy heart Garrus left him and went on to Club Flux. There he met up with Wrex, who had come from Chora's Den.

The krogan had gone to the club, which had come under new management since he had killed Fist. Things were ok at first; he had a few drinks, grunted at the dancers as they tried to gain his attention. It was when an old friend from his early mercenary days turned up, another krogan named Turac, that things went downhill. They started to reminisce, but then the topic came up about a job they had done together. Turac had gone to the Shadow Broker for information on the job, information that helped them succeed. After, the broker wanted a favor in return. Wrex had disagreed with the whole thing, so he refused to help.

That's what led to the argument between the two in Chora's; Turac was still working for the broker to pay off his debt, and the debt he kept building. The argument became physical, and they started throwing punches. It was Turac who pulled out his gun first, and for the second time the bar became a war zone. But as soon as C-sec showed up, Wrex was out of there and headed to Flux.

Seeing Garrus he laughed, sat next to the turian at the bar, and ordered a drink. The two started to talk about why they were each there. When Wrex heard about Garrus' father, he shook his head and commented on how the ex-C-sec officer was being stupid. It was around this time that Tali and Liara showed up – well more like Tali was dragging the blue alien. Seeing them, Garrus suggested they grab a table and waved the women over.

Kaidan had spent the week, first contacting his parents to see how they were doing, before doing little things here and there. He even got together with Joker and Garrus a couple of times to hang out. So when Garrus told him that he and Wrex were drinking with Liara and Tali, he came up with the idea of getting everyone there.

That's when Joker got his call. The pilot had decided to go to the arcade that was right by the apartment. When he wasn't spending time with Merida, or any of the others, he had found this place addictive. Especially the crane game, he had managed to get almost every high end prize. Volus dolls for the most part. Dolls he ended up giving to any kid who wanted one, although he kept one. He had just finished getting his fiftieth doll when Kaidan called. Loving the idea, Joker called Merida and Ashley, knowing the two would be shopping.

Ashley had been far from the clubs for the better part of the week; she had gone and contacted her sisters. It had been a while since she had talked to them, so it felt good to sit down and do just that. They had a lot to tell her: her one sister was getting married, and her youngest had a major crush. It was there, after three days, that Merida found her. Ashley hung up and was surprised to see her. Merida on her part, was not presenting herself as the commander.

Merida had, while she wasn't showing Joker around, looked into the treatment towards Ashley's family, and while she couldn't do anything, she realised, like Kaidan, she had to give the woman a chance as well. So here she was, offering to take Ashley to lunch. Ashley agreed and the women went to a small restaurant. There they started talking about this and that, until the conversation turned to aliens and the crew. That's when Ashley admitted that perhaps she was wrong, that not all aliens were bad. Merida sighed. It wasn't common knowledge what happened when she was sixteen. She told Ashley about how it was the batarians, and she didn't let it make her hate other races. She still didn't mention her father, no one knew he lived.

They had lunch a few more times, getting to know each other more. Merida could now say she was almost as close to Ashley as she was to the rest of her crew. Although, if she had to be honest with herself, she was closest with Joker. The times she spent with her pilot were more fun and entertaining. They watched TV, finding they had a lot of similar programs they enjoyed. They even played pool once, Joker using one of his crutches as a pool cue just to get Merida laughing.

When she got Joker's call while she was out with Ashley again, she had to admit, getting together with everyone was a great idea.

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Merida smiled at the group as she entered Flux. She and Ashley had gotten there late, after dropping off their few purchases at the apartment first. "Hey guys," she greeted as Ashley sat on the other side of the table while she sat with Joker. She noted he wasn't self-conscious about his crutches, well not as much as he had been the first time he was invited to get together with Kaidan and Garrus. The two hadn't realised before then, and as of yet, they acted like his crutches didn't exist.

"Shepard," Garrus greeted, nodding to her as she sat beside Joker. "How has your week been? Joker's been telling me and Kaidan about the apartment you're staying in. You should invite us over sometime."

"Oh? What kind of apartment?" Tali asked, her voice almost giggling. Why, Merida didn't know. "How big is it? What does it have?"

"Oh, it's huge!" Ashley jumped in. "You won't believe how nice it is."

Wrex chuckled. "You've been holding out on us Shepard."

Kaidan sipped his beer. "I think you're lucky Anderson lets you stay there when you're on leave."

That got a gasp from a now drunk Liara. "Anderson's apartment?!" she said a little too loud. "Oh Shepard, naughty you." She wagged her finger.

Merida sighed. "Fine, fine. Next shore leave, we'll have one big party at the apartment. I promise."

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Joker chuckled as everyone cheered, a few more loudly then the others. He watched her as she laughed and talked with the others at the table. Shepard sat to his left and Garrus to his right.

"You really, really like her," Garrus observed as Shepard was dragged from the table to the dance floor by Liara and Tali, Ashley following.

"What are you talking about?" Joker asked him, his eyes not leaving the commander as she started to dance.

"Well, for one thing, you talk about her nonstop whenever we're together."

Wrex laughed. "And you're not laughing at her dancing."

Joker chuckled; ok sure, Shepard's dancing wasn't the best. She looked awkward, but he knew it didn't matter. "You don't see it do you?" he told the group, letting his eyes leave the dance floor. "She's feeling the music, moving to it. She doesn't care about how she looks."

Kaidan laughed this time. "Yep, you really like her."

"I'm just observant," Joker defended.

The males at the table just rolled their eyes and went silent. After a while the four women returned to the table. It was Ashley who spoke up. "So, what are you men talking about?"

Joker looked to the others before answering. "Talking about how lucky we are to have four beautiful women as our dates," he smirked, causing Ashley, Liara, maybe Tali, and Shepard to all blush. Shepard, he was sure, was the reddest.

Merida cleared her throat. "Maybe we should call it an early night." She looked to Liara, who was clearly the drunkest in the group, followed by Tali. "After all, who knows what tomorrow will bring."

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What the next day brought was a message from Anderson in the early hours of the morning. They had a lead on Saren: a salarian STG squad had been sent to investigate a lab. They'd sent a message, but it was unclear, so Merida and her crew had to go and find out what the salarians had found.

Sighing, she woke Joker, Liara and Tali. She'd had the two women stay over considering how drunk they were. After all three were up, she contacted the rest of her crew. It was time to go; the shore leave was truly over.

Once they were finally all back on the ship, she joined Joker in the cockpit. "Hey, how are you doing? After last night? I didn't get a chance to ask earlier."

He shrugged. "Alright, didn't drink as much so I'm good. But I'm guessing that's not why you're really here. It has to do with why you got us going so early."

Merida sighed. "Yeah. We have a possible lead on Saren." She gave the location to Joker who, like her, had never heard of it before. Virmire.

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_**An Official Note:**__ I just wanted to warn people, there may be a chance I won't be posting a chapter up next week. I will be on holiday from Sunday to Wednesday. So if you if you don't see a new chapter next week don't worry. I'll be continuing the week after._


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